Breastfeeding in public tends to spark fiery discussions online. But even though most of us would agree that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with moms providing life-sustaining nutrition to tiny babies wherever they happen to be, everyone still seems to have an opinion about it. Especially those who will never have to experience it themselves.
For Texas mom Gelsey Maree, a recent outing — which, let’s face it, is a huge undertaking in the first weeks of life with a newborn — turned into an especially stressful experience. In her now-viral video, she recorded an interaction with a stranger who spotted her breastfeeding her child inside her car in a parking garage and felt uncomfortable. In fact, he believed it was so inappropriate that he decided to knock on her window and harass her.
The man was obviously unaware that in Texas — as in all 50 states — breastfeeding mothers are protected by the law and are allowed to breastfeed in any public or private location. Yes, even if they do it a few steps from your own car. Scroll down to read about the disturbing encounter in full, as well as the reaction it received from viewers, and be sure to weigh in on the discussion in the comments.
Gelsey Maree recently went viral for sharing how a stranger harassed her and her baby for breastfeeding in her own car
Image credits: gelseymaree
The footage begins mid-confrontation, with the mom recording the man's outburst
Image credits: gelseymaree
Image credits: gelseymaree
You can watch the full video, which amassed more than 2.4 million views, right here
While doctors, experts, parenting book authors, family members, and even complete strangers tell women that breastfeeding rather than using formula is best for the baby, women are still being constantly subjected to unsolicited comments and criticism while feeding their babies in public and — heaven forbid! — uncovered.
Unfortunately, incidents like the one you see in the video are far more common than you’d think. According to an online survey conducted by Milx.Mom, 31% of respondents reported they had been shamed for breastfeeding in public. The same study found that only half of the women who took part in the survey felt comfortable doing it whenever they choose.
To find out more about the motivation behind the stranger’s actions and the best ways to respond in these stressful situations, we reached out to Joshua Klapow, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist, performance coach, and creator of Mental Drive.
Being the founder of a psychological well-being initiative that helps people access the best-in-class psychological tools to live healthier, more fulfilled, and successful lives, he was more than happy to share his insights on the matter.
"Some people have very strong views about their perceptions of morality, appropriateness, and sexual norms," Klapow told Bored Panda. "These views often drive equally strong emotional reactions to anything that they perceive violates their view."
But the bottom line is that no one has a right to shame another person for doing something they’re allowed to do. "When situations like this happen, individuals doing the confronting are thinking primarily about their moral views, they are not in most cases thinking about the woman breastfeeding," Klapow added. "For them, it is all about a violation of 'decency' and very little about context."
As any woman who has lived through such an experience can tell you, it's frightening to be confronted by a complete stranger when you’re at your most vulnerable. To handle these encounters, Klapow said that de-escalating the situation is key. "It is critical for safety as a first priority." Even when you know you’re in the right, "your physical well-being must outweigh at that moment your desire to stand for what you believe."
"When someone becomes agitated or irate, matching their level of emotional intensity will not reduce the conflict," the psychologist said. "And again, because you do not know this person, there is a great risk of escalation."
"Be calm, state your view, and more than anything, ask them to leave you alone, to allow you to go on with your business and to step away. The key is to do this in a non-argumentative manner."
If you start to fear for your safety, "this is where law enforcement must be called in. Do not do this on your own. It’s better to back off and be safe for you and your baby than to put the two of you at risk," Klapow advised.
But even after the conflict has ended, emotions run high long after the conversation. It’s easy to feel scared and literally shake from the full-on, adrenaline-pumping, fight-or-flight response that kicked in the minute you felt a threat to yourself and your child. These experiences can be extremely traumatic, but thankfully, psychologist Klapow offered several coping strategies that may help.
- "Give yourself time to reset physiologically. Breathe slowly, don’t drive, or make hasty decisions or actions. Take a minute to re-group.
- Return to a place of safety once you have calmed down. Home is usually the best place. A place where you feel completely safe.
- Share your experience with close friends and/or family. Let them know what happened, how you are feeling, and what you need from them.
- In most cases, this will become an unwanted bad memory that will fade with time. However, if you continue to feel anxious, nervous or triggered by being back in a similar setting or if you are having difficulties with nightmares or sleeping after about 2 weeks, seek help from a mental health professional."
Viewers were appalled by the man's behavior and expressed overwhelming support for Gelsey
