You shouldn’t wear a white dress to a wedding unless you’re the bride. Or unless you’ve got the express permission of the happy couple. It sounds fair, doesn’t it, dear Pandas? No matter what you might think about the hidden symbolism of the color white, at the end of the day, there’s certain wedding etiquette that needs to be upheld. It’s the bride’s day to shine and the guests shouldn’t be hogging the spotlight.
However, some people take issue with the fact that they’re told what not to wear. And that can lead to a huge argument. That’s exactly what happened to one redditor, who had asked his girlfriend of a year to go to his colleague’s wedding. Unfortunately, she chose an off-white, ornate dress to wear.
The redditor then politely asked her to consider wearing something else, but this led to a massive fight. Scroll down to read the viral Reddit post, as shared on the AITA subreddit. The story also took an unexpected twist after the girlfriend actually read the post online.
Bored Panda got in touch with the author of the story and they were happy to answer our questions. However, due to how sensitive the entire situation is, he asked us to keep his username anonymous. Scroll down for our full interview with him.
Meanwhile, Anna and Sarah from The Wedding Society were kind enough to answer Bored Panda's questions about wearing white to weddings. "The very basic general etiquette of outfit colors at a wedding is 'no white dresses.' Full stop. End of story. Even if the wedding party isn't wearing white, unless it is specifically requested of you—just don't do it. There are so many incredible choices for wedding guest attire—it doesn't make sense to go with the one thing that is deemed inappropriate," they explained to us.
Most people know that only the bride should wear white at her wedding, unless she gives you express permission
Image credits: Gabriel Crismariu (not the actual photo)
One redditor shared how his then-girlfriend reacted when he gently suggested that she shouldn't wear a white dress to his colleague's wedding
The argument got way out of hand
At the end of the day, the redditor's gut instinct was proven to be totally right
The author of the post told Bored Panda that they didn't expect the story to blow up as it did online. "I was expecting just a few comments, but it seemed to be a topic that drew a lot of debate, both in terms of wedding apparel and abusive situations," he shared that he was taken completely by surprise by how viral the post went.
The redditor opened up about how he felt about what happened with his (now ex) girlfriend. "I feel that it was probably a good thing that it ended," he shared with us. "But of course I wish that I had been able to remain completely stoic and not become emotionally riled up by a hurtful comment, but I think that is something everyone can relate to wishing in terms of an argument." We've all been there. There are always some things that we regret after an argument.
According to the redditor, honesty is vital in any romantic relationship. As is the ability to talk to your partner if you experience a problem. "That way, you don't let it grow and become infected," he told Bored Panda.
"If someone hurts you deeply and you feel a need to lash out, I would say that you should attempt to take yourself away from the situation to collect yourself and calm down. Setting up boundaries for what you allow someone to say or do—and then enforcing those boundaries are really important."
Anna and Sarah from The Wedding Society noted that wedding guests ought to be informed of the dress code well in advance of the happy day. "If you haven't been told what the guide for what to wear is, it never hurts to ask—it will never go unappreciated by the marrying couple. If you don't have the time to check and you're not quite sure, here's a great rule of thumb to go by in ANY outfit situation... dress like you're going somewhere better afterwards."
Anna said: "I promise, that way, you'll always hit the mark."
The redditor's post got over 23k upvotes (and counting!) in the span of a single day. The members of the AITA subreddit were nearly unanimous in their verdict, he was definitely not a jerk for having asked his then-girlfriend to wear something else.
However, in the woman’s eyes, she was being controlled and ‘abused’ by her boyfriend because he expressed his opinion. That’s not really the type of response you want to see the first time you get into a real argument with your partner, is it?
The redditor’s hunch about not wearing white was right: his girlfriend would have stuck out like a sore thumb at the wedding. The bride was the only one in white.
After he published the post on the AITA subreddit, his girlfriend actually read it. She ended up apologizing for her behavior, however… it was too little, too late. The redditor realized that they were incompatible. If this was how she reacted to a slight disagreement, imagine what would happen when there was something serious to argue about.
In the end, the author of the post shared with the AITA community that he told her that they should go their separate ways. Her reaction to his comments about her dress was a major red flag. One that wouldn’t go away no matter how much someone apologizes.
Here's how some people reacted to the entire drama over the dress
Certified relationship coach Alex Scot told Bored Panda about the so-called “post-argument hangover.” She told us earlier that every couple needs to learn how to navigate it.
“I recommend physical touch in the form of a hug or a 6-second kiss, the reason for this is co-regulation,” she gave some advice on how to make up after a big fight.
“[Co-regulation is] how we self soothe as infants; a baby cries and a caregiver comes to cuddle and soothe the baby. As adults, co-regulation is very powerful and something we can use to our advantage,” she explained.
“So even though you may not feel like hugging or kissing your partner post-argument, as soon as you can bring yourself to do so, go for it. Your nervous system will thank you as it regulates with your partner’s nervous system by sensing their heart rate and breathing.”
Meanwhile, in another interview, relationship expert Alex explained to Bored Panda that boundaries are necessary in every relationship that you have, whether they're romantic or not. However, the closer the person is to you, the more flexible those boundaries have to be.
“Without them [boundaries], we live our lives at the expense of ourselves. The mindset for many when it comes to setting boundaries is that they feel selfish, or that they aren’t being a good partner when they implement them, so they avoid doing it altogether,” she said.
“Boundaries are there for us to be able to take care of and to protect ourselves so that we can show up and operate within our lives as successfully as possible.”
The boyfriend later had an update for the AITA community after his girlfriend saw and read his Reddit post
