Adopting a child can sometimes be complicated. This is especially true for those who sought custody of the kid because the biological parents were in some way unable to fulfill their duty.
In this story’s case, a man adopted a young girl who tragically lost both of her parents. But that didn’t stop his sister-in-law from conducting a secret DNA test on the child out of sheer nosiness.
The author responded by mocking his brother’s wife, subsequently resulting in family drama. He now asks the AITAH subreddit for validation on whether or not he went too far.
Having an adopted child can sometimes lead to a complicated situation for the foster parent
Image credits: LightFieldStudios (not the actual image)
A man had been granted custody of a child who lost both of her parents tragically
Image credits: Vlada Karpovich (not the actual image)
His sister-in-law DNA tested the child without consent, which led to an embarrassing situation
Image credits: felipecaparros (not the actual image)
The author's actions caused some family drama, and he's asking the internet for validation
Image credits: ThrowRASILtester
Consent is required when obtaining DNA from an underaged child
The author’s sister-in-law may have overstepped some boundaries here. According to the DNA Diagnostics Center (DDC), legal parents are the only ones allowed to do unconsented DNA testing.
The sister-in-law should have obtained signed permission from the child’s legal guardian, who, in this case, is the author. The DDC states that testing wouldn’t be possible without said document.
Such protocols are necessary to prevent the mishandling of DNA, especially since law enforcement can use it as evidence. In the worst cases, this could lead to false accusations and potentially ruin lives.
Paternity laws vary in states and regions, and the author didn’t specify his location. Therefore, it isn’t clear if the woman committed violations. However, her actions to satisfy her curiosity and rub it in her brother-in-law’s face is a bad look.
Image credits: Ani Kolleshi (not the actual image)
Dealing with a nosy relative requires a proper response
We’ve all dealt with that one relative who always has intrusive questions during family reunions. They are the ones who inquire about your romantic life and ask why you don’t have kids yet in your late 30s.
Having a proper response may help you better deal with such instances. Author and veteran psychiatrist Dr. Abigail Brenner encourages a direct and firm expression of one’s sentiments, especially when the conversation becomes invasive.
“Know when the discussion or argument has accelerated to the point of no return,” Dr. Brenner wrote in an article for Psychology Today, adding that ending the conversation is the best way to go when it deviates from conflict resolution and becomes more about winning.
There’s also nothing wrong with dodging questions you’re not comfortable answering. It’s an excellent way to set boundaries, as long as you keep it diplomatic.
“You’re allowed to say, ‘Thank you for asking, but I don’t feel like talking about it tonight’ or, ‘Oh, it’s a long story. We can discuss at another time,’” social psychologist Dr. Susan Newman told HuffPost.
The author probably could have avoided laughing in his sister-in-law’s face. However, he responded straightforwardly and did not make retaliatory remarks. His sister-in-law likely embarrassed herself, causing her to storm off.
Comment from Dr. Sarah Meehan O’Callaghan
Reading this story, one has to feel compassion for the author. He adopted a child under the most tragic circumstances, with his friend and her partner dying horrifically, and there is undoubtedly huge trauma in the background for his daughter but also for the author.
While his soon-to-be sister-in-law did not know their history, it does not excuse her unacceptable actions of waving the DNA results in his face – which, if nothing else, showed utter disregard for the child’s feelings. Why would she be so such a thing? The author’s reaction was quite possibly one of defence and a form of denying her accusations by laughing. He was almost certainly deflecting attention away from the painful reality his SIL had callously dredged up. – Dr. Sarah Meehan O’Callaghan
What’s your take, readers? Is there something the author could have done differently?
Image credits: Alex Green (not the actual image)
Most commenters didn't agree with the sister-in-law's behavior
