Realizing that your partner has been unfaithful to you can be devastating. It can break your heart and make you question everything you think you know about them. However, if you have a child together, the situation becomes more complicated.
One anonymous man shocked the internet after turning to the r/AITAH online community for advice about a delicate situation at home. Having learned that his 9-year-old daughter isn’t his, he’s wondering whether or not to abandon her. Read on for the story in full, as well as what the Reddit community had to say about the dad’s intentions. It's a divisive story that stunned some readers while others came out in support of the dad.
Infidelity can lead to families breaking apart, even if the couple already has children
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One man turned to the internet for advice because he's considering abandoning his daughter when he learned she's not his
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It's hard to tell whether a couple should stay together or break up because each situation is unique
The OP’s situation is a complicated one. Not to mention emotionally messy. There are two main questions to consider here. The first is the issue of his wife having cheated on him a decade ago in the first place. The second is how the man reacted to learning that his life partner had been unfaithful to him.
Nobody is dismissing how awful being cheated on really is. Anyone who’s ever experienced it knows how quickly it shatters your daily life, leaving you to pick up the pieces. The person whom you fully trusted hurt you. Badly.
How you react is entirely up to you. It’s natural to be upset or even angry. After all, you feel betrayed for a handful of (probably) unknown reasons. However, there are commonsense lines that you should not cross: verbally or physically abusing your partner as ‘revenge,’ for example, would be an awful reaction.
Cheating on them to ‘get even’ might also not be the most healthy ‘solution.’ Especially if you still have hopes to stay together.
Whether you try to mend the relationship or call it quits will depend on each individual situation. If one partner has completely emotionally moved on from the other, then there’s not much left to salvage. On the other hand, if both partners are prepared to patiently rebuild and take the time to work on their flaws, then there might be a possible future together.
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The situation is very complicated and there really aren't any easy answers
What shocked many redditors who read the anonymous man’s story is how easily he seemed to consider the idea of abandoning his daughter after helping to raise her for nearly 10 years. Most people probably understand how hurt any parent would be to learn that their child isn’t theirs.
But what makes someone a parent isn’t just determined by blood. It’s a deep emotional bond where you’re responsible for a younger person’s basic needs, education, values, and future. You can consider yourself a parent if you’ve raised your younger siblings. Or if you adopt a child. Or if you have to take care of a distant relative or a friend’s child when nobody else can.
At the end of the day, that decision—whether you think of yourself as a parent, no matter the DNA—is a very personal one. There are no easy answers. And it’s hard to judge anyone when the stakes are so high. But the internet seems to be on the same page that no child should be abandoned just because a parent feels hurt and betrayed. It's not any child's 'fault' that one of their parents cheated.
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People are unfaithful to their partners due to a broad range of reasons
There are plenty of reasons why people are unfaithful. They might be unfulfilled physically or emotionally. They might want validation that they’re still attractive. They may feel bored and want novelty in their lives. Or they might simply have lots of opportunities to step out on their partner.
‘Verywell Mind’ points out that people also cheat on their partners because they have low self-esteem, they might be angry, they want variety in their love life, or they’re not committed to their current relationship.
Meanwhile, ‘Brides’ notes that men typically cheat due to physical reasons. For example, if they want an escape from stress, if they’re attracted to someone else, or if they’re getting little to no physical affection at home.
“Not all men cheat, but some—maybe most—of those that do have a belief that men need more than one person to have sex with to be satisfied sexually,” marriage and family therapist Jeff Yoo explains.
According to the therapist, women generally cheat on their partners for emotional reasons. They tend to begin with an emotional affair that later turns physical.
“All humans can be tempted. It comes down to the core of who the individual is,” Yoo said that cheating is an example of selfishness as well as poor impulse control. Cheaters also tend to be narcissistic, lack compassion, and stonewall their partners in their relationships.
The readers shared their reactions, different opinions, and similar stories
