Sharing details about yourself is a crucial part of romance. After all, how far would a relationship go if partners were unwilling to reveal their experiences, thoughts, and feelings to each other?
That being said, people don't just unload everything to someone the moment they get involved. Becoming open happens progressively, and the tricky part for a couple is to adjust to the same timeframe.
As Reddit user CapableEmergency5154's recent case shows, this can be quite difficult. Talking to the 'Am I the [Jerk]?' community, the woman recalled the fight that broke out between her and her now-ex-boyfriend after he found out that she's a landlord.
Financial incompatibility is a common problem among romantic partners
Image credits: nebojsa_ki (not the actual photo)
But, sadly, this woman learned about it the hard way
Image credits: LightFieldStudios (not the actual photo)
Image credits: CapableEmergency5154
After her story went viral, the woman promised to share an update on the situation and joined the discussion in the comments
Eventually, she delivered on her promise
Image credits: s_kawee (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Khoa Võ (not the actual photo)
Image credits: CapableEmergency5154
You don't become open with your partner overnight
Gabrielle Applebury, who is a licensed marriage and family therapist with specialties in areas such as trauma and communication, says that people usually start sharing more detailed personal information after they decide to stop dating others.
"This typically occurs after at least a few months of consistently dating each other when there is a high level of emotional closeness, openness to being vulnerable with each other, and support," Applebury explains.
As with many things, there's no one right formula, but couples in an exclusive relationship can take the initiative to have serious discussions about finances (things like salaries, debts, and whether they are a spender or a saver) when they begin to move forward to bigger milestones, such as a bigger vacation or even living together.
So the fact that the Redditor's ex expected that she would have shared that she's a landlord before finding out the way he did isn't that unreasonable.
Plus, a 2020 survey found that 64% of couples admit to being "financially incompatible" with their partners, with different philosophies about spending, saving, and investing their money, which can lead to so-called financial infidelity (an act that 45% of committed adults admitted they're guilty of).
But throwing accusations and then demanding half of her rental income is no way to deal with these disagreements.
Instead, a healthy way to kickstart such talks, according to Applebury, can be buying a shared item and discussing who will pay how much and why, planning and throwing a dinner party together, shopping for a friend's wedding or birthday gift, and so on.
People started coming up with advice and suggestions for the woman
