When most people enter romantic relationships, they want to know that their partner loves them for who they are, quirks and all. This might seem like the bare minimum, but the problem is that this kind of unconditional love isn’t always possible for certain folks.
This is what a man realized after praising his wife for loving him even when he broke down crying, only to find out that she lost romantic feelings for him each time it happened. This obviously broke his heart to learn, and it changed their dynamic.
More info: Reddit
Sometimes, people might find it tough to love certain aspects of their partner, especially if it’s something that they aren’t comfortable with in themselves
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The poster shared that when he was telling his wife why he loved her, he mentioned that he appreciated how she didn’t think any less of him when he cried
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Over the next few days, the man began noticing that his wife was quite distant from him, and he felt that he probably needed to reassure her of his love more
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The poster also mentioned that both he and his wife supported each other through difficult times, like health issues and parental problems, which is why he loved her so much
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The man did his best to show his wife how much he loved her by writing a long message for her on their whiteboard, and this made her tear up
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The wife later explained her distant behavior by saying that she felt guilty as she lost butterflies in her stomach every time her husband cried in front of her
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The man felt hurt that his wife thought less of him every time he cried, but she reassured him that she loved him a lot and appreciated how much effort he put into their relationship
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Even though the woman had tried to reassure the poster about her feelings, he felt that he wouldn’t be able to open up to her emotionally again
As the poster shared, his wife often checked in with him about whether he still loved her and all the reasons why he cared about her. He didn’t mind her asking for such reassurances and understood that the best way to relieve her anxious feelings was to honestly share all the reasons why he adored her.
Although it might seem odd for a long-term partner to want reassurance like this, experts explain that women might need such affirmations once in a while to feel comfortable in their relationship. These kind and loving words can help them deal with any anxiety that might come up due to squabbles or general day-to-day frustrations.
Since the OP understood this about his wife, he went into great depth to tell her all the ways that she looked after him that made him feel loved. He mentioned things like giving him space when he needed it or being there for him during his autism evaluation. He also felt grateful that he could cry openly in front of her without her thinking any less of him.
According to research, most men find it hard to cry in front of their significant other, and some believe that it is okay to do so only in times of emergency or immense stress. This belief might be because most men aren’t given the space or acceptance to truly open up or be vulnerable with their partners.
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After the man opened up to his wife about his feelings for her, he noticed a change in her behavior over the next few days. So, he decided he probably needed to express his love for her better and did so by writing a very sweet, heartfelt message on their whiteboard.
When she read his kind words, she broke down crying and thanked him, and also decided to share why exactly she had been so distant. She explained that she felt a bit guilty after he praised her for accepting him when he cried, because, in reality, she felt a little less love toward him whenever he did that.
It might seem pretty harsh for the woman to have told the OP her true feelings about him being vulnerable, but experts explain that some women might feel this way because of their own past. If they have been taught to suppress their emotions and that it’s weak to cry, they too might expect their loved ones to follow the same ideas.
This obviously hurt the man’s feelings, and he realized that he wouldn’t be able to be open about his thoughts in front of his wife. He also understood that it was probably due to her upbringing that she felt that way about him, and she also tried to reassure him that she was working on the issue in therapy.
What do you think about the man’s dilemma, and do you think he should do anything now that he knows how his wife truly feels when he cries? We’d love to hear your honest thoughts in the comments below.
People were shocked by the woman’s feelings and told the man that he probably deserved better
