“AITA For Putting An Outside Lock On My Bathroom To Prevent My Wife From Using It?”

The bathroom is a sort of serene place, a location where one wasn’t to feel at ease. The reality of life and our biology is that we often have to make do with what we have. This is particularly true if you live with another person, where questions of space and ownership become more pertinent.

A man asked the internet if he maybe went too far when he placed an actual lock on his bathroom to keep his wife out, as her method of using it caused him discomfort. While on the surface, his solutions might look extreme, he gave some details that perhaps vindicated his decision.

As some commenters suggested, OP is not in the wrong, but it seems questionable how well a marriage can function if one needs literal locks to keep the other partner from doing something. On the one hand, they started out strong, as a lack of personal space is often the undoing of many new marriages. However, very quickly, the wife seems to be violating it for one reason or another (the comments suggest some possibilities) and ignoring her husband’s very reasonable, previously agreed-upon request. Whether or not he should make this a line in the sand is ultimately up to him, but it’s worth considering that if she will break this agreement, what else will she change if it suits her?

This might seem like a relatively minor issue, but research suggests that the little habits of one’s partner, particularly one you cohabit with, do affect your day-to-day functioning. Eating patterns are a major one, including everything from what a person eats, to when they prefer to take their meals. Interestingly, women are more affected by a partner's habits before marriage, while men are more affected post-marriage.

These little, day-to-day things aren’t just mundane, they all fall into the category of relationship maintenance. Just being together, particularly in the same house, is not enough, active, conscious steps need to be taken to ensure both parties are happy. Daniel Canary from the International Encyclopedia of Marriage believes that "simply staying together is not sufficient; instead, the quality of the relationship is important. For researchers, this means examining behaviors that are linked to relational satisfaction and other indicators of quality."

Quantitative studies indicate that to keep a relationship happy and well-maintained, however, the couple chooses to define that, the good-to-bad interaction ratio should be roughly five to one. While OP might have a different view, it seems that every time his wife used his bathroom, with the subsequent results, this was, rightly, perceived as a negative interaction. While we don’t know that much else about his relationship, this regular thorn in his side was likely a regular enough irritant. In the comments he mentions also cleaning up after her, which no doubt factored into his decision to put a lock on the door.

Successful romantic relationships require open communication, showing trust and trustworthiness between both parties. A lock is a physical indicator that he does not trust her to keep her word. Similarly, we all need assurances in our relationships that a person will do what they have agreed to do. While she might not see the issue the same way, OP’s wife needs to understand how he feels about her use of his bathroom, particularly when she has a perfectly usable alternative herself. Even better, she could consider changing her “technique” to avoid the issue entirely. On the surface, bathroom usage is not the end of the world, but how this couple resolves this issue or leaves it unresolved will influence every forthcoming argument and disagreement.