People have their own ways of celebrating a late loved one’s memory. Some uphold traditions to help them through the seemingly never-ending process of grieving, and they hold these practices sacred.
A man commemorates his brother’s death anniversary by visiting his grave and donating blood. That day once coincided with a planned lunch meet-up with his girlfriend’s mother, and it became a problem when he begged off.
The couple broke up when the woman cut off all communication, but the author was left wondering if he should have done something to appease his now-former partner. Scroll down for the whole story.
Some people uphold traditions to commemorate a late loved one
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A man took a raincheck on meeting his girlfriend’s mom for lunch, causing the woman to insult him
Image credits: LuAnn Hunt (not the actual image)
The couple broke up because of the argument, but the author seemed at peace with it
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Gaslighting and a lack of empathy are classic signs of narcissistic personality disorder
The woman’s lack of empathy and gaslighting tactics are tell-tale signs of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
A few experts spoke with Healthline to elaborate on these symptoms. Gaslighting happens when a person spins the truth and attempts to distort reality, much like what the woman did when she accused the man of “embarrassing her in front of her mother” with his “selfishness and laziness.”
According to licensed marriage and family therapist Shirin Peykar, narcissists do this as a way to gain and control superiority over their romantic partners.
“(They) thrive off of being worshipped, so they use manipulation tactics to get you to do just that,” Peykar explained.
Then, there is the lack of empathy, which the woman showed by her utter disregard for her partner’s grief and “stupid blood donation tradition.” Beverly Hills-based relationship psychotherapist Dr. Fran Walfish considers it a “hallmark characteristic” of people diagnosed with the disorder.
As Dr. Walfish explained, narcissists are devoid of the ability to make their partners feel seen, validated, understood, or accepted.
“They don’t grasp the concept of feelings,” she said.
It isn’t clear whether or not the woman had received a previous diagnosis, but her actions, as told by the author, are strong cues that she may be suffering from NPD.
Image credits: Keira Burton (not the actual image)
You can’t change a narcissist, but you can take care of yourself
Trying to change a narcissist is akin to attempting to undo the past. It is an impossible, futile effort. It becomes more difficult in a romantic context because, as veteran psychologist Dr. Jeffrey Bernstein explained in an article for Psychology Today, “they can make you feel great by choosing you.”
If your partner ticks all the boxes of symptoms and displays red-flag behaviors, Dr. Bernstein advises accepting the situation for what it is. Because you’re dealing with someone with emotional limitations, accepting them for who they are saves you from further stress.
However, acceptance does not mean bending over backward and giving in. Dr. Bernstein also urges you to keep rationality in mind and not let the other person rob you of that.
Setting boundaries is another critical move against a narcissistic partner, who is often self-absorbed. Drawing these lines is a way to hold on to that personal space and prevent further breaches.
If all else fails, Dr. Bernstein advises considering leaving the relationship. Some signs to look out for include emotional, verbal, and physical abuse, being forcibly isolated from everyone around, and blatant manipulation and control.
To his credit, the author stood his ground and refused to give in to the woman’s nonsensical demands. He even tried to compromise, to no avail. The relationship ran its course, and he may have dodged a bullet, as he realized.
Ultimately, he came to terms with what happened through his brother’s memory, which put him at peace.
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Most people sided with the author, except for a few who had their reasons
