Let’s be real: despite living in a so-called enlightened age, a lot of folks are still clinging to outdated gender roles. The idea that only a man can do this, and only a woman can do that, cripples societal progress and prolongs inequality. Not great.
One guy turned to an online community to share how his trad wife sister was always on his case about him doing “womanly” things like cooking, cleaning, and childcare. So, when she asked him to cook for her kids, he refused. That’s when things kicked off.
More info: Reddit
Outdated gender norms hold society back and sustain inequality that’s deeply problematic, to say the least
Image credits: standret / Freepik (not the actual photo)
One guy admitted he couldn’t even use a microwave before he moved out of his strictly traditional family home, but now does his fair share of cooking, cleaning, and childcare
Image credits: katemangostar / Freepik (not the actual photo)
His trad wife sister can’t believe he does “womanly” things, and has not-so-subtly shamed him for it on more than one occasion
Image credits: EyeEm / Freepik (not the actual photo)
As luck would have it, one day she ran out of time to prepare “good” food for her kids, so she reached out to him to whip some up and send it over
Image credits: photoroyalty / Freepik (not the actual photo)
When he said no, she flipped out and accused him of punishing her children and "letting them go hungry"
Image credits: Jaymmss
Frustrated, the guy turned to an online community to ask whether or not refusing to help his sister out was a jerk move
Growing up, the original poster’s (OP) family believed men should do the “heavy lifting” and women should cook, clean, and raise kids. OP wasn’t allowed in the kitchen and couldn’t even use a microwave until he moved out. Meanwhile, his sister was pushed to be a housewife, discouraged from college, and expected to serve her future family.
OP cut off contact with their parents years ago, but remained close to his sister, hoping she’d eventually break free from the strict rules of their youth. Lately, though, something’s changed. She seems overwhelmed, possibly secretly working, something she’d never admit to because she was raised to believe “women don’t work.”
OP has a wife and child, and in their home, chores and childcare are split 50/50. He even cut his work hours at one point to care for their baby. His sister, meanwhile, can’t wrap her head around a man cooking or changing diapers. She mocks him often and even criticizes professional male chefs because, in her worldview, “real men don’t cook.”
Then came the day she asked him to cook meals for her family because she “didn’t have time.” When OP refused, pointing out that if a man like him can cook, a stay-at-home mom should manage it too, she accused him of “punishing her children.” Now he’s left wondering if he’s the bad guy and turned to netizens for their opinions.
Image credits: EyeEm / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Honestly? OP’s sister can’t seem to figure out that he’s outgrown the “rules” for men and women that they grew up with. Now that he's actually holding her to her own trad wife standards, she's completely losing it. So, what’s up with gender stereotyping anyway? And how do you challenge it?
The experts at Birmingham City University say that if we force fixed ideas of masculinity and femininity on kids, we limit their potential and can actually cause real damage in later life. For people who don't fit into society's "traditional" roles, stereotyping can make their struggle for acceptance even more isolating.
Research proves that children's attitudes about gender are already fully formed by the age of seven. However, their need to belong and fit in with their assigned gender (together with the ways gender roles are reinforced throughout society) can be tough for parents and caregivers to take on, even with the best intentions.
So, what’s to be done? Well, it all starts with education. The pros from school finance company, Varthana, suggest a few strategies for teachers to tackle gender stereotypes in the classroom, including challenging gender stereotypes when they hear them, and organizing activities that break down gender biases.
Perhaps it’s too late for OP's sister to change, but let’s have a minute of silence for her poor kids - they’re the real casualties of this story.
What do you think? Was OP a jerk for refusing his sister’s request, or is she the one who needs a reality check? Share your opinion in the comments!
In the comments, readers seemed to agree that the original poster was not the jerk in the situation and slammed his sister for being so entitled and hypocritical
