When you agree to be with your partner for the rest of your life, you’re not only agreeing to stand by their side in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer. You’re also signing on to welcome their relatives into your own family, whether you actually like them or not.
But that didn’t stop one man from immediately putting his foot down when his fiancée asked if they could take in her parents and help with their medical bills. Below, you’ll find the full story that the man shared on Reddit, as well as some of the replies invested readers left him.
After his fiancée's father was diagnosed with cancer, this man's in-laws reached out asking for help
Image credits: Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
But he immediately refused to take them in or help cover their medical bills
Image credits: Curated Lifestyle / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Baptista Ime James / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Later, the author clarified some details about the situation
Image credits: Otherwise_Leg286
Many people struggle to become close with their in-laws
Planning a wedding can be an incredibly stressful endeavor. The event can easily be the most expensive day of your life, so it’s understandable for the bride and groom to want everything to be perfect. But it also often becomes complicated thanks to other issues in the couple’s personal lives or family drama that suddenly appears.
We all know it’s cliché to have conflicts with in-laws, but it’s usually assumed that these problems pop up after the couple is already married. In reality, however, they can begin long before the couple even ties the knot. The author of this story noted that his in-laws have never been welcoming towards him, and they’ve made it very clear that they would prefer their daughter stay with her ex.
According to psychologist and author Terri Apter, a whopping 75% of couples admit that they’ve had in-law issues in their family. And when it comes to men not feeling accepted by their in-laws, Fatherly notes that this is very common.
But where does it come from? Licensed Clinical Social Worker Nancy Tramontana says that part of the reason why parents are hesitant to accept their child’s partner sometimes stems from outdated stereotypes. For example, if the man isn’t the breadwinner or taking on a traditional, masculine role, the parents might be less willing to embrace him.
It’s also possible that their personality just doesn’t mesh easily with the family, and it might take time for them to adjust to the family dynamic.
Image credits: Jordan González / unsplash (not the actual photo)
It’s important to be patient and understand that it might take time to grow the relationship
“Every family is kind of like its own country, with its own set of rules,” Tramontana told Fatherly. “And you don’t know what it’s like to live in that country at the outset. You have to survey the land.”
Now, there’s no guaranteed way to make your in-laws like you. As people say, “You can be the sweetest, juiciest peach in the world, but some people just don’t like peaches.” But if you’re interested in trying to get on your in-laws’ good side, Families for Life has some tips.
First, they recommend being realistic and understanding that it might take them time to warm up to you. Don’t take it personally if they don’t love you upon your first meeting. It’s also a good idea to make sure you show interest in them. Ask them about their hobbies, strike up conversations that they’ll be interested in, and perhaps even find time to hang out with them without your partner around.
It’s important to also listen to what they have to say. You're not obligated to agree with everything or take unsolicited advice they may give you, but be respectful and make them feel seen and heard. And if they’re interested in learning something new, offer to help them! This can be a great way to grow closer, especially if it makes them start to appreciate having you around.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this man was right for refusing to take in his in-laws, or should he have been more willing to help them out? Feel free to weigh in. Then, if you’d like to read another Bored Panda article discussing in-law drama, look no further than right here!
Image credits: Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Many readers agreed with the man's choice, and he joined in on the conversation
However, some thought that it was unfair for him to refuse to help
Later, the author came back with an update detailing where he and his fiancée stand now
Image credits: Chris Lynch / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Daniel Thomas / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Otherwise_Leg286
Exhausted by family or in-law drama like this one? Visit our Family Dynamics Hub for expert-backed guides on toxic relatives, parenting styles, and personal boundaries.