Normally, when one talks about in-law issues, it’s an overbearing parent, or perhaps some distant relative of one’s partner who owes you money. The truth is that many families have their own unique set of pitfalls and conflicts to resolve. But the one constant in almost any story like this is that communication, honesty and a willingness to listen tends to actually help resolve issues.
A man asked the internet if he was wrong to tell his daughter in law that she isn’t actually a part of his regular father-daughter lunches. As it turned out, she had just expected to be looped into this tradition.
Some folks treat their kids-in-law like their own, but some also keep their distance
Image credits: Askar Abayev (not the actual photo)
This person shared that he has father-daughter dates with his kids, so one day they decided to have a tea party
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)
Then he received a call from his daughter-in-law asking about the time for the father-daughter date
Image credits: Yaroslav Shuraev (not the actual photo)
She kept insisting on coming, which led to him just saying that she is not his daughter
Image credits: u/Remarkable_Office177
After the whole miscommunication, his son called the father a jerk for not welcoming his wife to the family
A Reddit user shared his story to one of the harshest communities asking if he was indeed being a jerk for telling his daughter-in-law that she is not his kid and is not invited to a daughters’ lunch. The post received a lot of attention and collected almost 14.5K upvotes and 5.5K comments.
The author shares that he and his wife have two daughters and realized that he used to spend more time with the boys, and his wife - with the girls. Because of that, they decided to ‘fix’ it and now do father-daughter dates and mom-son dates. Thus, one time, he decided to start a tradition of going with his daughter to a tea house. However, as his oldest son is married, the OP received a call from his daughter-in-law.
She called him to ask about the time for father-daughter dates. At first the OP was confused and asked what this was about, to which she argued that she is his daughter-in-law quite a few times until he had to straightforwardly say that she is not invited as these dates are just between his kids and him. After this, OP started getting calls from his son telling him that he is a jerk for not welcoming his wife to the family.
Moreover, the author posted an update explaining that he talked with his daughter-in-law again, both of them apologized and she explained that she thought it would be a nice way to get closer with OP’s daughters. The man explained that forcing herself into family traditions won’t help that and suggested that she should simply invite them to spend time together.
Community members marked this post as ‘Not enough info’ and had discussions and different opinions regarding this situation. “She’s not a birth daughter but she’s part of the family now and I don’t get the harm in inviting her. Could’ve been a beautiful bonding experience,” one user wrote. “OP is allowed to have things he does with just his actual kids. He isn't excluding her from other events. Not everyone gets invited to every event,” another shared.
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
Moreover, Bored Panda got in touch with Dr. Wyatt Fisher, who is a licensed psychologist and marriage retreat leader. He kindly agreed to share his professional insights regarding in-laws' impact on family dynamics, how couples can deal when one of them feels torn between their partner and in-laws, and shared advice on how to navigate the complexities of viewing their in-laws as additional children.
So to begin with, Dr. Wyatt Fisher emphasizes that any time when a new member joins the family system, it will often change the family dynamic. However, it’s important to remember that that doesn’t have to be a bad thing - sometimes it can change things for the better if the new family member is warm and easy to get along with.
Now, speaking about situations that happened in this story when the son was caught in the middle of the conflict between his wife and father, the psychologist notes that when joining a family, it’s important to respect pre-existing connecting rituals that are already established. Instead of asking to join these rituals or traditions, it’s often the best idea to simply create new ones.
And finally, when navigating the complexities of viewing your in-laws as additional children within the family structure, Dr. Wyatt emphasized that it’s important to remember that you will never love them in the same way as your own children. However, it’s also important to make them feel accepted. Ideally, you would even carve out some one-on-one time with them to build a stronger bond.
So, guys, what do you think about this story? Was the author in the wrong for not letting his daughter-in-law join lunch with his daughter? Or was he right for wanting to spend time only with his daughters? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Redditors discussed this situation and asked the author a few more questions to understand the situation better
