When people get married, they agree to share everything together, whether joy, sorrow or even household chores, including cooking! But many times, what is supposed to be a marriage of equality ends up with one partner bearing more burden of the domestic chores than the other.
Just like Reddit user, Such_Conversation_57, whose husband felt that cooking was ‘her job’ while he played video games. And when she told him that she’ll only cook after she’s done with her work, he threw a tantrum saying that his kid would go hungry because of her.
More info: Reddit
The poster of this story mentioned how she saw her mom managing work and domestic chores while dad only worked and slumped around, decided she'd never be like that
Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko (not the actual photo)
Years later when she married her husband, he used to do what he was asked but after a year, he started slacking off till she was in the same position as her mom
Image credits: u/Such_Conversation_57
Image credits: Matilda Wormwood (not the actual photo)
One weekend, her husband got his kid and expected the poster to serve them lunch, but she said she'd do it later as she was busy working on an important project
Image credits: u/Such_Conversation_57
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Unhappy about this, the husband kept demanding that she make them lunch while her project could wait but his kid shouldn't go hungry, all while he played video games
Image credits: u/Such_Conversation_57
The poster snapped that even he could make lunch but he said that cooking was 'her job', she stressed that she would only do it after work
In this story, the original poster (OP) tells us that when she was a kid, she saw how her mom worked and did all the domestic chores even when her dad was earning the same amount as her mom but he just slumped around while she did the chores. She decided that she would never let that happen to her.
But little did she know what awaited her in the future. After she got married, her husband, Tom, was alright in the beginning and did what he was asked to do. But after a year, he started slacking off till she was doing the majority of the chores even when both of them worked. And when she used to talk to him about this, he used to sulk, so she just stopped thinking it never got anywhere.
On a weekend, Tom brought his daughter, Anna, over to their house. OP was busy working on an important project since morning, so he took his kid out for breakfast and after returning, asked the poster about lunch. When she said that she’d make sandwiches later as she was busy at the moment, he gave her a weird look and went to play video games while his daughter went for a nap.
But he constantly stole glances at his wife while playing, and after a while, came up to her and demanded why the sandwiches were not ready. She told him again that she was busy with an important project and she’d make them later. But Tom was in no condition to listen. He even had the audacity to take away her computer stating that Anna would go hungry and the project could wait.
Like anyone would, the poster just snapped and yelled that even he had arms, legs, and a brain and he could cook. The man was a little startled, but it didn’t stop him from saying that “cooking was her job”. Wow, the gall of some people, right? But the poster sarcastically "apologized" to him for pushing her duties and said that she would cook only after she was done with work.
When he started complaining and whining about it, she put her foot down and said that it was either that or he and his kid could look for food somewhere else. But probably feeling confused that she yelled at him, OP went online and asked Redditors whether she was in the wrong for her actions.
Image credits: Ron Lach (not the actual photo)
The netizens declared that she was not in the wrong. In fact, he was acting very immature and she was not his maid to do as per his demands. And even we strongly agree with them. But to understand things from an expert’s perspective, Bored Panda reached out to Eden Lobo, a counselor and psychology professor.
She said, “Our current relationships and behavior are reflective of childhood experiences. We observe, imitate, and model our parents' behavior as adults because that is who we look up to, to make sense of our world. So a lack of self-awareness and insight might make you unconsciously do behaviors your conscious mind might be against.”
This explains how the poster ended up in a similar situation like her mom even when she had decided never to let that happen as a kid. The Redditors expressed their anguish that she had to shoulder the burden of most domestic chores and work, while her husband played video games. They called him an absolutely selfish and entitled person for this behavior.
“When only one partner is left with the burden of chores, the output is not very positive. It would be a stress and added pressure on the partner to handle multiple responsibilities. The dynamics of the relationship will no longer be perceived to be equal which could cause anger, frustration, and resentment towards the other partner who is not contributing. One will also perceive their partner to be ungrateful, inconsiderate, and selfish,” mentioned Prof. Lobo.
So, her outburst of yelling at her husband seems justified and as people highlighted, she should not be burdened with the chores this way. They also spoke about his weaponized incompetence which Psychology Today defines, “Weaponized incompetence, also called strategic incompetence, is when someone knowingly or unknowingly demonstrates an inability to perform or master certain tasks, thereby leading others to take on more work.”
Prof. Lobo stressed, “Weaponized incompetence is intentionally done to shirk away responsibilities. This implies that the person doesn't care about their partner's well-being. They do not feel remorse or bad for adding to their partner's burdens but instead, take pride in having fooled their partners into doing their work. In the long run, however, it could strain relationships because they would be viewed as incompetent, inconsiderate, and lazy.”
Folks also mentioned how women, most of the time, end up doing the domestic chores because their husbands expect them to. Prof. Lobo said, “Carl Jung calls this as archetypes or in other words we form stereotypes of organized information on what a wife or mother or friend is supposed to be like. So we have those expectations and fit people or our behaviors according to those expectations.”
“Also, other factors such as the norms that exist in that culture reinforce certain values, beliefs, expectations, roles, and duties to be followed. Many cultures enforce the idea of women being good homemakers and so male children are not taught how to do those roles. They grow up expecting the females to take care of household matters.”
As sad as it sounds, it’s the truth that many people live with. Have you ever experienced something similar? Let us know in the comments.
The netizens said that he was using weaponized incompetence just so that she would do things for him
