Time can really add perspective when it comes to your past relationship mistakes. In the moment, we often say or do the thing we believe is right. But when we look back ten years down the line, we realize we were the problem.
A guy has surprised people by popping up online a decade after complaining bitterly that his girlfriend dresses like a princess. At the time, the then 24-year-old spoke of how he'd asked his SO to tone down her over-the-top fashion choices, admitting that it made him "uncomfortable" when people stared. She later blind-sided him with an unexpected break-up. Fast forward to today, and the now-married man has had a change of heart.
She loved dressing like a princess but it left her boyfriend feeling "uncomfortable"
Image credits: Vika Glitter / Pexels (not the actual photo)
He reached out to strangers for advice, but little did he know she was already plotting her royal exit
Image credits: Victoria Romulo / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: red563
The guy gave more info when people pointed out that the problem may lie with him and not his GF
"Take it or leave it": many advised the boyfriend to accept the woman for who she is
In an unexpected turn of events, he revealed his girlfriend had broken up with him
Image credits: Ahmet Kurt / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: red563
Suddenly, the princess syndrome concerns took a backseat as he tried to mend his broken heart
Image credits: Polina Zimmerman / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Stop trying to change other people and focus on yourself instead: advice from the experts
Trying to change your partner is a waste of everyone's time. If you can't accept them for the person they are, and the person you initially fell in love with, you might be better off alone - or finding someone else who is more compatible.
"When we attempt to mold our loved ones into what we think they 'should' be, we are essentially communicating that we do not accept them as they are. This breeds resentment, damages trust, and undermines the very foundation of the relationship," warns the Olive Leaf Therapy site.
The experts add that when you're trying to change someone, it often involves some degree of emotional manipulation, like nagging, criticizing, or using guilt and shame as leverage.
"These tactics might produce temporary compliance, but they erode the sense of autonomy, mutual respect, and safety/security that are essential for a thriving partnership," the site explains.
Many mental health experts suggest focusing on your own personal growth instead of fighting to change another person.
"The life you crave is built from tiny, consistent steps—not from waiting for someone else to become the person you wish they were," writes Danielle Dowling, psychologist, life coach and author. She adds that people change on their own timeline, and not yours. "It’s not fair to either of you to wait for someone to grow into the partner you want," Dowling says.
The Olive Leaf Therapy team says as part of your own personal growth and development, you should learn to build healthy relationship boundaries without losing your sense of curiosity and understanding. They explain this as taking responsibility for your own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, and communicating your needs and boundaries clearly and compassionately.
"It means cultivating acceptance, empathy, and an ongoing genuine curiosity about your partner's unique perspective and experience," elaborates the site. "When we let go of the need to control our partner's actions and embrace them as they are, something remarkable happens. The relationship has space to breathe and evolve organically. Couples are able to have honest, vulnerable conversations about their hopes, fears, and areas of disconnect, and work together to find mutually satisfying solutions."
The experts say often, when someone is constantly frustrated by their partner's perceived flaws, they're failing to see their own role in the dynamic. She suggests asking yourself questions like, "What are my underlying relationship expectations? Where do I feel the need for control? How might I be engaging in emotional manipulation, even if unconsciously?"
Change is inevitable and we all change, to some degree, as we grow.
"By shifting your focus inward and committing to your own personal development, you open the door to a more fulfilling, authentic partnership - one built on mutual respect, acceptance, and a deep appreciation for each other's unique qualities," advises the site.
The guy surprised many people by appearing with an update 10 years later
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: red563
People praised him for his personal growth
