The world of dating is not dissimilar from a jungle, with its own obscuring canopy, pitfalls, predators, and other possible dangers that one has to prepare for. At the same time, creeps and just shady folks out there are constantly developing tricks to keep their partners in the dark.
TikToker Erika Tham shared her harrowing discovery about the “penny method” some guys use to manipulate their dates. Viewers were shocked by just how manipulative the strategy was and how hard it can be to detect. We have reached out to Erika Tham by email and will update the article when she gets back to us.
More info: TikTok
More info: TikTok
The dating scene has its own collection of liars, manipulators, and tricks one has to look out for
Image credits: Dany Kurniawan (not the actual photo)
A woman on TikTok shared a new dating strategy some men are now employing
Image credits: erikatham
"I’m getting ready to go on a date. But I learned some information today that feels illegal to know. I was talking to one of my guy friends about love bombing. And he goes, 'Well, yeah, that sounds like the penny method'. I was like, 'The penny method? There are methods?' So he starts explaining it to me and he goes, 'Okay, imagine a girl is a piggy bank. Which is an interesting analogy, but hear me out. In order to get her interested, obviously at first you have to be feeding her $100 bills.'"
Image credits: erikatham
"But putting in $100 bills is a lot of work. And you don’t always want to be doing that. So eventually you reduce it to 90. Now she’s going to feel the decrease in effort, but it’s only 10%. So if she tries to bring it up, she’s gonna sound crazy at this point."
Image credits: erikatham
"Now, here’s where it gets sick. The next thing you do is you move it back up to 95. Now instead of feeling like she lost five, which is how she would feel if you went directly from 100 to 95, suddenly she feels like she’s gained five, but you are still putting in 5% less effort."
Image credits: erikatham
"Basically, you just keep repeating the cycle and weaning her off your effort until you get to the point where you’re giving her pennies and suddenly, she’s excited to receive a nickel."
Image credits: erikatham
"The idea that men might actually think like this makes me so afraid. Like, is this boy math because I don’t like it. Anyways, be safe out there, ladies. I think the takeaway message in all of this is that we should never be accepting anything less than $100 bills."
You can watch the full video here
Image credits: Budgeron Bach (not the actual photo)
Those who have followed dating discourse over the recent past may recognize the “penny method” as a modification of “love bombing.” If that’s a new word for you, fear not. The basic premise is that a person, for example, someone who you have just started dating, absolutely bombards you with “love.”
This can be compliments, gifts, attention, or really anything that they believe will win you over. Where “love bombing” becomes sinister is when the manipulator uses this to lull the other person into a false sense of security. Then they allow their true colors to shine, normally a mixture of narcissism and abuse.
The tragedy of the love bomb is that for the person on the receiving end, it feels like love at first sight. After all, many of us have had lackluster first dates, partners who were cold and indifferent, and in general a rough time in the dating arena. Suddenly, a new person begins to treat us very well and we get caught up in the euphoria too long to consider their motives.
Image credits: Keira Burton (not the actual photo)
Besides being downright deceptive, this strategy also often enables abusers to “get away with it.” When their behavior switches from “love” to abuse, the victim doesn’t realize that this isn’t just the person having a bad day. They reason that the abuser is actually always nice, as during the love bombing stage, and is just going through something now. Since they long for the “good times,” they often resolve to “persevere” through it.
The penny method isn’t that different. The victim is tricked into believing that their date can and will maintain a certain “standard” of behavior so they simply wait for the “bad” spell, the $90 as the TikToker would put it, to end. Often, the love bomber or penny-method enthusiast will “improve,” setting the victim at ease. Pimps and gang leaders use a similar methodology, but the similarities end there.
Image credits: Gary Barnes (not the actual photo)
The "Penny method", as detailed by Erika Tham, uses many of the same techniques, tricking a person by starting off legitimate, and then switching gears further down the line. Attempting to hop on the trend, some labeled it as “boy math,” but one comment put it more accurately, as psychopath math.
This just goes to underscore the importance of having good boundaries, red lines, and being ready and able to ditch a relationship if something seems fishy. At the end of the day, it pays off to be willing to be alone instead of with the wrong person. Loneliness is a horrible feeling, but it’s often better than a liar wasting your time or worse.
Commenters thought the concept was villainous
