For better or for worse, real life isn’t like the romantic comedies you see on the silver screen. It’s much more nuanced and complicated, and you’re likely not the protagonist who gets their fantasy happy ending. No, the person you were crushing on back in the day probably didn’t make a ‘mistake’ by marrying someone else. And, no, ‘the one that got away’ likely won’t suddenly decide that they were meant to be with you.
Redditor u/anxiousfem12 shocked the TrueOffMyChest community when she opened up about how her husband’s childhood friend was trying to undermine their entire relationship. According to the author, the toxic woman, along with her entire family, resorted to publicly mocking and bullying her. Scroll down to read the mind-boggling story, including a surprise twist. Bored Panda has reached out to the author for comment, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from her.
It's a nasty feeling to realize that your partner's friend dislikes you and may be actively trying to seduce them
Image credits: Getty Images/Freepik (not the actual photo)
A woman revealed shocking details about how her husband's childhood BFF started bullying her in public
Image credits: wavebreakmedia_micro/Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: simonapilolla/Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: hryshchyshen/Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Later, the woman clarified a few details about her story
Image credits: anxiousfem12
Adult bullies want to feel powerful, boost their low self-esteem, or simply have no empathy. Often, they're more sly than child bullies
To be absolutely clear: there is no excuse for any sort of bullying. Grownups should know better than to harass and mock other adults. Especially the spouses of the people they purportedly care about.
The Psych Professionals explains adult bullies use intimidation, exclusion, and harassment to target their victims. However, unlike kids, grownups can often be more subtle and sly in their strategies, making them more difficult to expose. What’s more, these bullies often don’t see themselves as such.
While some adults bully people to improve their fragile self-image or due to low self-esteem and a sense of powerlessness, others want to exert dominance over their environment. Still others have a lack of empathy for other human beings or might not be aware that what they’re doing is morally wrong.
- According to The Psych Professionals, some of the main indicators that a grownup may be bullying include things like:
- Ignoring other people’s boundaries on purpose while disrespecting their privacy or confidentiality;
- Doling out personal insults, like attacking someone’s character, appearance, abilities, or background, mocking them, or calling them derogatory names;
- Disrespecting someone’s personal space;
- Resorting to public shaming, like sharing embarrassing photos or videos, and making belittling comments in groups;
- Online harassment.
It's up to you to decide whether it's best to stand up to your bullies or ignore their rude behavior
How you deal with adult bullies is entirely up to you. For some people, it makes more sense to avoid these toxic individuals and to ignore their awful behavior, essentially cutting contact with them.
You can also try to reframe their attempts at harassing you and turn them around so that you’re the one in power. For instance, if someone makes jokes at your expense, you can lean into the situation and laugh along with someone else. If the bully gives you fake compliments, you can thank them. If someone makes rude comments, you can pretend that you didn’t actually hear them.
Alternatively, be assertive, stand up for yourself, and challenge them. Explain to them what they’re doing, how it affects you, and share how you would like that behavior to change. “Prepare for a response but remain calm and remember that often the bully is not expecting you to stand up for yourself and will likely be caught off guard as well,” The Psych Professionals suggests.
It’s helpful if you’re as clear as possible about your boundaries and what you will not tolerate. Then, when they cross those boundaries, immediately enforce them. The more consistent you are with protecting your boundaries, the better for you.
In a work setting, you must document evidence of the other person’s inappropriate behavior. It’s absolutely crucial if you plan on escalating things formally.
Meanwhile, asking for help is not a sign of weakness. If you’re struggling due to being bullied, talk to someone, whether that’s your manager or HR at work, your family or friends, or a therapist.
True friends don't sabotage each other's relationships for their personal gain
Real friendship is about finding the balance between honesty and transparency on the one hand and respect and support on the other hand. For example, if you see some red flag behavior in your pal’s new relationship, you owe it to them to speak up about it in a diplomatic way. That being said, you should not undermine their relationship. Trust and respect them enough to make the right choices… and to make their own mistakes.
No real friend would focus on destroying someone’s relationship because they believe they ‘deserve’ to be with them romantically more than anyone else. That’s not a friend—that’s someone who is delusional about the type of relationship dynamic they have with the individual. Fake friends are more concerned about their personal welfare than anyone else's.
You cannot force someone to love you. It can hurt to realize that someone who you thought was perfect for you has moved on and is happy with someone else. Many people have been in situations like this. It’s tough. However, it’s not the end of the world. The planet is full of awesome, interesting people to meet.
Dating is, at its core, a numbers game. Some of the people you go out with are going to be far more compatible with your character, goals, values, and outlook on life than others. And while it’s impossible for someone to be ‘perfect,’ they can be a great match for you.
If your crush is happy with someone else, you have to be willing to move on as well
And if that relationship doesn’t work out for some reason, the cold, harsh truth is that there are lots of other potential matches for you. But it’s only by putting yourself out there, going on dates, dealing with rejection, juggling awkward silences, and trying to connect with other people that you can find someone who is truly great to be with, in a long-term relationship.
What doesn’t help, on the other hand, is being stuck in the past, pining for all the people you dated or wish you had gone out with. Besides, it’s easy to idolize a person or relationship in your head. You end up putting them on a pedestal. Actually dating them, let alone being with them for years and decades, is a very different experience from what you imagine it to be.
So, the healthiest thing for the author’s husband’s (now former) childhood best friend to do is to try to move on with her life, date other people, and look for happiness elsewhere. At the same time, going to see a mental health specialist about her obsession with the man, as well as her attempts to sabotage his love life, may help quite a bit. Therapy is hard work, but it can help folks reframe the negative experiences they had in order to empower them.
What are your thoughts about the entire bizarre situation, dear Pandas? How would you have handled things if you were in the author’s shoes? Have you ever seen someone try to seduce your partner away from you? On the other hand, have you ever pursued someone who you previously had a crush on, despite them being in a relationship? Let us know in the comments.
The author answered some internet users' questions about what happened
Many people were completely shocked by the friend's disrespectful and downright rude behavior
Things took a rather unexpected turn. The woman shared an update about what happened next
Image credits: Lia Den/Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Drazen Zigic/Freepick (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Getty Images/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: benzoix/Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: anxiousfem12
Here's how some readers reacted after reading the second part of the drama
