35 Things Married Folks Wish All Unmarried People Knew About Marriage

Rebecca Newton, MA, licensed marriage and family therapist told Bored Panda that marriage isn't about initial attraction, shared interests, or even how much you like each other. 

“A solid marriage is one that can adjust, flex, and shift through all the changes and events that will happen over the course of decades. Marriage is more about shared values, communication skills, and commitment to take action in the relationship,” Newton explained.

According to the marriage therapist, the key secrets to a happy marriage are two things: ability to communicate your needs effectively, and the ability to repair after a fight or disagreement. 

Having said that, Newton sees many people who get married for the wrong reasons. “So many people feel pressured to get married when they are in their late 20's and early 30's. They feel it's ‘time’ and they settle down with whatever partner they have at the time. There is a lot of societal pressure to get married, and people aren't taught how to pick a partner or what characteristics make a great partner.”

Moreover, “People sometimes get married because all of their friends are, or they think their partner is going to be successful or financially stable,” Newton said.

Another misconception Newton sees is that “people think marriage should always be fun, or that if they are with the right partner then they won't have to do the work of communicating their needs.”

“Even if we have a great partner, they are not a mind reader and they can't always be in tune with our needs. Also, as we get older our needs change. There is a huge value in consistent communication about needs,” Newton explained.

According to the marriage therapist, people have to realize that marriage is an adventure. “You will change. Your partner will change. Don't get caught up in your expectations of them, but rather get to know them for who they are in each iteration,” Newton concluded.