I’ve got a confession to make, dear reader. I’ve never been to Canada myself. Unbelievable, I know! All the wondrous things that I am missing out on truly burden my soul with craving and desire. Especially if it’s maple syrup flavored. On pancakes. With a fire crackling in the background, its warmth hitting my back…
Enough daydreaming, let’s have a little wander into what people love most about Canada. Catherine Atton, who compiled a list of 11 things Canadians adore about their homeland, presents them to be the incredible landscapes, the wildlife, the craft breweries, the friendliness of the people, hockey, and the food.
Who could forget about poutine? Thick-cut french fries, homemade gravy and melted cheese combined into a mouthwatering treat that fills one up with happiness and salt. The secret of this dish is in the use of real cheese curds.
If you can’t get cheese curds, the closest possible substitution would be torn chunks of a full-fat block of mozzarella cheese. Seasons & Suppers have a lovely little recipe for this food of the gods if you’d like to try it yourself. Trust me—it’s worth it!
One taste of poutine and you’ll be packing your bags, buying one-way tickets, and planning your life in Canada. But hold on there, speedy! Each country has its own positives and negatives that need to be considered before one decides to uproot their life and take up a new culture.
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Charlie Clissitt, who researches countries and cities around the world, compiled a list of things to know about Canada as a whole. This is the second time I’ve mentioned a list within a list… I’m getting Inception vibes, but I need to stop myself from getting distracted and give you some of this information you’re curious about, eh?
The country is the second largest in the world. Charlie explained that it would take you over four years to walk its coastline. To make everything a bit more manageable, Canada is divided into thirteen parts (ten ‘provinces’ and three ‘territories’). However, many cities are world-class, scoring top marks in healthcare, education, environment, infrastructure, and stability.
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They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.
He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.
"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"
Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.
He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement. He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"
They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"
Canada is also very multicultural, with more than 20% of Canadians having been born in another country. Quite frankly, there’s enough space for all to go around. It also has two official languages, which are English and French.
However, there’s also the good ole Canadian slang. If someone goes to the “biffy” then they’re off to the toilet. A $1 coin is a “loonie” and a $2 coin is a “toonie.” There’s more, but I particularly like these.
But of course, there are two sides to any coin. It gets freezing cold. Apart from the country’s west coast in British Columbia, the average temperature never exceeds zero in wintertime. Vast parts of the country can dip as low as -30°C (-22°F) or -40°C (-40°F). Also, beware the bears. There are three kinds to worry about, from least to most scary: black bears, grizzly bears and polar bears.
Moving2Canada adds a few other things to consider. Tipping is mandatory for service staff (the standard tip is 15% of the total bill), it takes a long time to secure a job, rent and transport are expensive, it is illegal to smoke in public places, and your driving license may be invalid depending on the province or territory you decided to move to. Fun stuff.
But we’re here to enjoy the funny side of things. So please, dear reader, forget about your worries in life, forget about your life in general, and enjoy the present moment being surrounded by a whole bunch of funny memes. Take a breath, let it out, and continue scrolling through, upvoting your favorites.
I look forward to seeing you all in the next one, and g’day!
