Your 30th birthday is a huge milestone. Whether you’ve accomplished all of your professional goals already or you’re just starting to figure out what you’d like to do with your life, you deserve to celebrate reaching 30 years. But unfortunately for one woman, her mother-in-law’s 60th birthday seems to have taken priority.
Below, you’ll find a story that this mom recently posted on Mumsnet, detailing why she’s considering skipping her mother-in-law’s celebration to ensure that she gets to enjoy her own, as well as some of the replies readers left her.
This mom is excited to celebrate her upcoming 30th birthday
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)
But to fully enjoy her own day, she realized that she may need to skip her mother-in-law’s celebration
Image credits: Kampus Production (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Ivan Samkov (not the actual photo)
Image source: anonymoush
The majority of married people find themselves in conflict with an in-law at some point
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
When you get married, your family might suddenly become twice as large as it was before. You can gain a mother and father-in-law, brothers and sisters-in-law, nieces, nephews and perhaps even a couple of pets. And for many of us, these new family members are welcomed additions. The Thanksgiving table will be even more full this year, and you might even become closer to some of your in-laws than your blood relatives.
But sadly, that’s not always the case. Psychologist Terri Apter found throughout her research that a whopping 75% of couples have had conflicts with an in-law. And a 2022 study reported that married women tend to have even more issues with their mothers-in-law than with their own moms. If you’re lucky, you’ll end up with in-laws that love you as if you were their own child. And if you’re unlucky, well, you might be better off avoiding them at all costs.
But why do so many in-laws choose to make their children’s spouses’ lives so difficult? According to Your Tango, one possibility is that you were not the kind of person that they imagined their child being with. Perhaps you come from a different socioeconomic background, a different culture, practice a different religion or have a different level of education. They might view you as an outsider, rather than a family member.
Another possibility is that you’re too attractive. This may cause the parents to worry that they can’t trust you or that you’ll suddenly decide one day that your spouse isn’t the one for you anymore. And, of course, your in-laws may simply be jealous of you.
It’s important to set boundaries with challenging in-laws
Image credits: Victoria Strelka_ph (not the actual photo)
If you’re receiving more attention than they are or your spouse has a particularly close relationship with their parents, Mom and Dad might not love the idea of sharing their baby. This jealousy can be escalated into conflicts if the parents don’t approve of how their child is now choosing to spend their time. For example, if Sunday dinners with the parents turns into date nights with their spouse instead, resentment can start building that may come out later down the line.
So what can we do when we’re stuck with in-laws who seem to be determined to make our lives miserable? Choosing Therapy recommends first communicating openly with your partner and explaining the situation to them. Because they love their parents, they might not have noticed how bad their behavior has gotten.
Remember to have realistic expectations as well. You can’t demand that your 60-year-old mother-in-law completely change her personality, so you have to understand that you won’t get everything you want. But practicing self-care and setting boundaries might help you stay sane.
Resist the temptation to take your in-laws’ behavior personally, and be gentle with yourself. Don’t blame yourself for conflicts that your mother-in-law instigated; just do your best to diffuse situations or remove yourself from them. And if nothing else seems to be working, you might simply need to get some space. Seeing your in-laws twice a year on holidays might be enough.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this woman is being unreasonable by planning on skipping her MIL’s birthday dinner? Feel free to share, and then if you’d like to check out another Bored Panda article discussing similar drama, we recommend reading this one next!
Readers weighed in with their thoughts on the situation, as well as advice on what the mother should do next
