The mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship is one of the most written about, therapized, and frankly exhausted dynamics in the history of family life. It is a tightrope walk that requires effort, empathy, and a basic willingness to show up from both sides. When it works, it is a beautiful thing. When it does not, it tends to unravel in very public and very messy ways.
One future mother-in-law has taken her story to the internet, and the responses have been, let's say, pointed. She was trying to spend some time with her son, but intruding on a 30-person Spring Break booking looked quite a little different from all angles.
More info: Reddit
The mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship is one of the most delicate dynamics in family life, and a small misstep can quickly unravel it all
Image credits: The Yuri Arcurs Collection / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Every holiday for three years, one woman's son has been away with his soon-to-be in-laws, leaving her to fight for a getaway of her own with her son
Image credits: The Yuri Arcurs Collection / Freepik (not the actual photo)
He suggested she might be able to join the next getaway, but he quickly rescinded the offer, citing two reasons that came from his fiancée
Image credits: kues1 / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The mother-in-law had skipped the engagement dinner, and she had never once reached out to the fiancée directly about this holiday proposal
Image credits: anon
She continued to book a hotel 15 miles down the road, which upset the fiancée even more, but later mother-in-law later revealed why there might be some strong feelings
Every year, our future MIL’s son and his fiancée head off on a big family vacation with her extended family. So, when a spring break trip came up, she asked when they might plan something together, and her son mentioned there might be room in the 30-person Airbnb. She took that as a green light.
She sent the deposit and told her 24YO son, her 22YO daughter, and her 3YO grandson, and everyone got very excited about their first real vacation. Then suddenly, the deposit came back. It turns out, the fiancée was not comfortable with them joining, for two specific reasons.
One, the mother had not attended the engagement dinner the previous year, where she was supposed to meet the fiancée's family. Two, she had gone through her son rather than reaching out to the fiancée directly, which did not go unnoticed. The MIL also later mentioned that she had not attended her DIL’s mother’s funeral, something that surely wasn’t helping this fragile relationship.
The disheartened mother said it was fine, hung up the phone, and immediately booked a hotel fifteen miles from the vacation rental. She also told her son not to worry about making time for them, which is the kind of thing people say when they are absolutely not fine. The fiancée found out about the hotel and was upset all over again, feeling like the trip was being encroached on regardless. But who was at fault?
Image credits: kues1 / Freepik (not the actual photo)
A lot of people in the comments noticed something pretty quickly about this MIL’s behavior. She did not attend the engagement dinner because she was not sure she was welcome. She did not reach out to the fiancée directly because she did not want to bother her. She told her son not to worry about making time for them, all while booking a hotel fifteen miles away…
According to Scary Mommy, there is a name for this. The Martyr mother-in-law operates through passive aggression and guilt, saying things like, "I try so hard but I guess I can never get it right," while making sure everyone around her feels the weight of that statement.
Relationship author Susan Alexander Yates has some practical advice for mothers-in-law who want to actually build something real with their child's partner, and it starts with asking your own child how you can love their spouse well. Not intending to. Not thinking about it. Actually doing it. Attending an engagement dinner would qualify. So would picking up the phone after someone loses their mother.
The Artful Parent makes the point that adult children who genuinely want to spend time with their parents do so because those parents never made their choices feel like a personal attack. They did not weaponize guilt or engineer situations designed to make everyone feel bad. Parents who stay close to their adult children make those children feel free to choose them, not obligated to manage them.
The fiancée in this story is grieving the loss of her mother while navigating a future mother-in-law who skipped the funeral, avoids direct contact, and responded to being uninvited by booking a hotel down the road. Whether the intention is genuine hurt or something more calculated, the internet has read every word, and it isn’t so quick to take the MIL’s side.
Do you think she was being honest about all the details, or is there something more sinister at play here? Make some predictions in the comments!
The internet was quick to point out that we might be dealing with a martyr-in-law instead
