It’s been said that you can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family. This can make things especially tricky when it comes to in-laws you might not always see eye to eye with.
One woman didn’t invite her daughter-in-law to the family’s Bridgerton watch party, which led to her son flipping out at her and boycotting Mother’s Day. Agitated by all the drama, she turned to netizens to ask if she was being a jerk.
More info: Reddit
You can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your family, as this woman is finding out the hard way
Image credits: Julia M Cameron / Pexels (not the actual photo)
She and her family always invite her daughter-in-law to everything they do, but she only joins them every third time or so
Image credits: Kanishka M Gunathunga / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Her daughter-in-law came to the family’s Queen Charlotte watch party but left halfway through, claiming she couldn’t get into it
Image credits: Tiger Lily / Pexels (not the actual photo)
When the family was planning a Bridgerton watch party, the mom didn’t invite her daughter-in-law because she didn’t think she’d enjoy it
Image credits: throwaway51624
When the woman’s son found out his wife wasn’t invited, he flipped out, leading the woman to ask netizens if not inviting her daughter-in-law was a jerk move
OP begins her story by telling the community that she has three children, Caleb, Kate, and Madison, and they’re a very close family who tend to do a lot together. Last year Caleb married Ashley, and while they really like her and invite her to everything they do, she only joins in about a third of the time.
She goes on to explain that Ashley’s maid-of-honor threw a bridal shower on the same weekend as OP’s family reunion, so she and Kate skipped the reunion and went to the bridal shower. Since her family missed the shower, OP decided to throw another one with a tea party theme but later overheard Ashley calling it lame.
Well, last month the topic of the Bridgerton release came up, but when Madison asked if Ashley was coming, OP told her no, since she doesn’t like Bridgerton or tea parties.
When Caleb found out Ashley wasn’t invited, he called OP and lost it. When she tried to explain, he told her she should still have extended an invitation. OP called Ashley to apologize, but Ashley said that she was right - she doesn’t care for Bridgerton. Despite this, Caleb let OP know that he and Ashley wouldn’t be coming to Mother’s Day.
This is where OP concedes that she might be a jerk, since she doesn’t actually want Ashley to come to the watch party. Apparently, when she came to their Queen Charlotte watch party, she really didn’t enjoy it and even declined tea. OP says she just doesn’t want to have to worry about whether or not Ashley thinks they’re being lame or silly.
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
From what OP tells us in her post, it would seem that her son has got things a bit mixed up. Short of inviting Ashley to something she admits she'd rather not attend, how can OP smooth things over with Caleb? We went looking for answers.
In his article for Psychology Today, Guy Winch (Ph.D.) writes that for apologies to be effective, they have to be focused on the other person’s needs and feelings, not your own. This cardinal misunderstanding of who should be at the center of the apology is the reason so many politicians, athletes, and the like sound insincere when offering them.
According to Winch, there are five ingredients to an effective apology: a clear “I’m sorry” statement, an expression of regret for what happened, an acknowledgment that social norms or expectations were violated, an empathy statement acknowledging the full impact of our actions on the other person, and a request for forgiveness.
In her article for HelpGuide.org, Jeanne Segal (Ph.D.) writes that you can ensure that the process of managing and resolving conflict is as positive as possible by sticking to some guidelines, including listening for what is felt as well as said, making conflict resolution the priority (rather than winning), and knowing when to let something go.
Considering OP has already apologized to her daughter-in-law, perhaps it’s time for her to suck it up and make an apology to her son too for the sake of restoring harmony in the relationship.
What would you do if you found yourself in OP’s shoes? Do you think her son is taking things too far? Let us know your opinion in the comments!
In the comments, readers swiftly concluded that the woman was not being a jerk but that her son’s reaction was out of line
