Thanksgiving dinner is meant to bring the entire family together. The holiday is about gratitude, togetherness, and finding that silver lining, no matter how dark the clouds may be. But on the practical side of things, dinner won’t cook itself. And placing the burden solely on the breadwinner’s shoulders is asking for too much.
Internet user u/OrcinusVienna vented online about how her mother-in-law insisted that she cook dinner, even though she has a grueling 12-hour shift on Thanksgiving. Scroll down for the full story and to read the internet’s reactions. Bored Panda reached out to the author of the story, u/OrcinusVienna, and she was kind enough to answer our questions about what happened. She stressed the fact that her husband has always been on her side and always puts her first, including throughout this sensitive situation. "He is the best," she told us about his unconditional support. You'll find our full interview with her below.
Thanksgiving dinner doesn't magically cook itself. It's a huge challenge, and the fair thing to do would be for everyone to pitch in if they're free that day
Image credits: artfolio / freepik (not the actual photo)
The breadwinner of her home shared how her mother-in-law tried to pressure her into cooking Thanksgiving dinner for the entire family, despite her having to work that day
Image credits: Mitriakova Valeriia / freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: OrcinusVienna
"I was really shocked speechless because my in-laws are not purposefully vicious"
We asked the author about her initial reaction to her mother-in-law's demands about her making Thanksgiving dinner. "I was really shocked speechless because my in-laws are not purposefully vicious. I was angry, but so flabbergasted at her request that I could not even respond. I might have said a simple 'no' while trying to process what was being asked of me," u/OrcinusVienna told Bored Panda.
"I can only assume her motivation came from not wanting to step on my toes as the host and take over the holiday at my house. Like I said, my in-laws are not usually vicious or cruel, and I think since she has never had a job, she just had no idea what she was asking me to do was hard or unreasonable. She loves cooking, and it is how she shows her family love, while I cook, so I do not starve. I think she did not want to take the opportunity for me to cook an important meal away from me? Or maybe it was malicious, and I am being too kind. Who knows?" she said, sharing her thoughts about her mother-in-law's behavior.
Meanwhile, u/OrcinusVienna kindly shared her advice for surviving the holidays despite any tension with the in-laws. "I am probably a bad person to ask because, despite being married a while, I still feel very strongly that I need to respect my in-laws and be kind to them no matter what. It helps that they live so far away, so the number of ridiculous stories and interactions is limited to once a year," she reflected, opening up to us.
"I think, unless your in-laws are actually antagonizing you, try to understand why they want what they do and if there is an innocent explanation. Try to be flexible and communicate why their requests are not acceptable," she said.
"In my opinion, it is my job to handle my family and protect my spouse from them and his job to handle his family, but that is only an opinion I can have because he does. If you cannot communicate with your in-laws, communicate your boundaries with your spouse and ask them to support your survival plan, whether it is stepping out when needed, taking a break, putting on a movie for 2 hours of relief from conversation, etc."
No matter if it's the holidays or just a regular day, you have to protect your boundaries and well-being
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Boundaries are probably the most important aspect when it comes to having healthy and happy relationships.
In a nutshell, communicating your boundaries and then enforcing them allows you to prioritize your needs in a way that lets you stay true to your values.
On the other hand, if you don’t let anyone know about your boundaries or you fail to enforce them, then this leaves a lot of room for other people (unintentionally or otherwise) to behave in ways that are unacceptable to you.
But that’s the thing, nobody is a mind-reader. So if there is an issue, you need to address it instead of hoping that it’ll resolve itself on its own.
However, if the problematic individual continues to ignore your boundaries, they need to see that there will be consequences.
For instance, if you tell them that you’ll spend less time with them or that they might even be disinvited from a family dinner, you need to go through with those promises. But all of this is easier said than done. Nobody wants a massive family argument around the holidays.
What’s invaluable, though, is your significant other’s role in everything. No matter what happens, you need to have each other’s backs. With them in your corner, fully supporting you, no number of in-law-related dramas can spoil Thanksgiving.
Emotional baggage and unresolved issues can ruin holiday get-togethers. Part of making things work means accepting people for who they are, despite their flaws, while also enforcing your boundaries
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According to psychiatrist, psychoanalyst, and psychopharmacologist Samuel L. Pauker, M.D., and writer and editor Miriam Arond, emotional baggage can derail family gatherings. So, you need to prepare yourself emotionally for any get-togethers for the sake of a happier holiday season.
One of the ways that helps you weather the holiday stress is to try to let go of all the negative feelings that have built up over the years, just for a day or two.
“You can always come back to examining family issues, but, for the holidays, try to Be Here Now, as Ram Dass, an American spiritual leader and yoga guru, advised in a book of the same title. By bringing all your emotional baggage to the holiday table, you set yourself up for an unhappy experience. By letting go of hurt and hostility, you give yourself a chance to enjoy the holiday. Don’t deprive yourself of a good time,” Pauker and Arond write in a post on Psychology Today.
Meanwhile, if you think that the holidays will be stressful, try to de-stress hours or days in advance. You could do some yoga, practice meditation, do deep breathing techniques, etc. When you’re relaxed, you’ll be less likely to escalate any conflicts that might be brewing.
Furthermore, even if you think that you’re in the right, it’s still helpful to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Consider their perspective and think about the underlying reasons why they’re behaving in a way that irks you. There might be some underlying mental or physical conditions at work here, too.
Pauker and Arond also stress that it’s vital to learn to accept yourself and others, as no family is perfect. “There are some things we can change. Other things we can’t. Part of attaining happiness is appreciating what is.”
What are your thoughts, dear Pandas? How would you handle your in-laws demanding that you cook for them after a long shift during the holidays? How do you defuse any lingering tension among your relatives during family get-togethers? Are you celebrating Thanksgiving this year, and if so, what are you cooking (hopefully, with everyone else’s help)? Let us know in the comments below!
Here's how internet users reacted to the story. Many of them were sympathetic, and some of them had practical advice to share
