Since ancient times, as soon as humanity devised the very institution of family, tensions between in-laws began almost immediately. Simply because two family traditions, two different upbringings, met under one roof. Very often, this even led to ever-new rounds of family feuds.
And you know what? The user u/Clearingthegarage, the narrator of our story today, initially believed that in her husband's parents, she had found a worthy replacement for her own toxic family. But, as often happens, her expectations were disappointed in the most painful way. However, let's just read on together.
More info: Reddit
The tension between wives and mothers-in-law are as old as time, so here's yet another story about something so painfully similar
Image credits: DC Studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author of the post recently moved states with her husbands to live closer to his parents
Image credits: Clearingthegarage
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The woman had a very toxic parents and left home right after coming of age, so she honestly believed the in-laws could be second parents to her
Image credits: Clearingthegarage
Image credits: stockking / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Recently the author had to undergo medical treatment over her illness and the husband became a rock for her
Image credits: Clearingthegarage
Image credits: Frolopiaton Palm / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The mother-in-law, however, upset her a lot by suggesting the author's husband to go to family vacation 3 hours away from the city without her
Image credits: Clearingthegarage
Image credits: pikisuperstar / Freepik (not the actual photo)
It turned out that the lady booked the hotel in advance, deliberately excluding the daughter-in-law
Image credits: Clearingthegarage
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author ended up calling the mother-in-law, and sarcastically telling her that she and her husband will both skip the holiday
Image credits: Clearingthegarage
Now the spouses take heat from the man's fam so the author decided to take it online seeking for support
So, the Original Poster (OP) says that she and her husband recently moved to another city, closer to his parents. Essentially, the in-laws and the brother-in-law are the author's only relatives, because her own parents were quite toxic people, and she ended up leaving home at 18 and going no contact with them all.
However, the OP and her husband are now happily married. The woman is currently undergoing infection treatments, and the spouse has become her rock during this difficult time. Unfortunately, unlike the in-laws, who, in all the time the couple has lived here, have never visited them. Well, and a recent incident has actually created a real wall between them.
The author's husband and his mother share a birthday, and recently this lady called her son and invited him to a family celebration at a hotel about three hours outside of the city. Yes, only him - regarding his spouse, the MIL declared that she’d rather "stay home and rest." And when the man said he couldn't leave his sick wife, he discovered the hotel was already booked.
The mom said that this was the only convenient time for his brother. So, in fact, she had originally planned to exclude the OP from the holiday! This deeply hurt and offended our heroine. She picked up the phone, called the mother-in-law, and sarcastically remarked that she could quite enjoy the celebration without them. And then she hung up.
Now, for several days, the OP and spouse have been fending off annoying calls and texts from literally every part of his fam. The last message from his mom even stated that "they knew something was wrong with her because she has no family." And this despite the fact that they knew the OP’s story perfectly well! In short, it all ended with cutting ties with them, and now the author has decided to seek support online.
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
"Relationships within some extended families develop in such a way that mothers still perceive their daughter-in-law or son-in-law as a kind of 'foreign body' in the family, an ‘alien element,’" says Maria Kryvosheeva, a psychologist and NLP coach, with whom Bored Panda got in touch for a comment on this case.
According to the expert, our heroine's mother-in-law may have simply subconsciously continued to consider her a "random person" within the family - and her desire to have the couple closer actually applied only to her son, not his wife. Hence the lack of visits to their home after the move.
"In any case, preemptively excluding a family member from the celebration is more than inappropriate, so this woman's sarcastic reaction is entirely justified. Further attacks against her are attempts to antagonize her and husband, and could even result in cutting ties. This woman shouldn't apologize, they all owe apology to her," Maria Kryvosheeva sums up.
Needless to say, commenters also unanimously supported the original poster, assuring her that her actions were completely reasonable and correct, and that she and her husband should perhaps move back - away from these toxic relatives. "You don't need the stress and their drama," someone added 100% reasonably. So what's your opinion on this situation? Please feel free to share it in the comments below.
People in the comments sided with the author and claimed that going no contact could be a proper decision
