Parents and grandparents can have different expectations when it comes to the gender of a baby. Some may want a girl, while others might be more keen on having a boy. But most parents would probably say that the most important thing is that the child is healthy and well.
Not the mother-in-law in this recently shared story, though. She wanted a grandson so badly that she had the gall to insult her pregnant DIL in a particularly vile way. Not willing to put up with such behavior, the DIL and her husband had to make a hard decision in order to protect their future children.
The author of this post was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda when we reached out. User u/Worried_Analysis_838 told us more about her relationship with her MIL in the past and whether she thinks keeping contact with her in the future is at all possible. Read our conversation with the pregnant mother below!
A woman found out she was pregnant with a girl, and it made her MIL mad
Image credits: Taisiia Stupak / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The MIL wanted a grandson but chose to express her disappointment in a horrible way
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Prostock-studio / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Worried_Analysis_838
Image credits: Ivan Samkov / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The author tells Bored Panda that she doesn't see how she could have a relationship with her MIL after this
The Redditor says she decided to share this story one evening when she couldn't fall asleep. "It was one in the morning when I posted it, and ranting about it and getting it off my chest helped me go to bed."
u/Worried_Analysis_838 kindly agreed to tell us more details about the relationship between her and her mother-in-law. "My MIL and I were never on the greatest terms, mainly because her son and I got pregnant so young, and she always thought I was 'stealing her baby,'" the Redditor reveals. "We've had our fair share of conflicts, but mainly because she didn’t agree with the way we are raising our firstborn."
Even with the MIL out of the picture, the young family has a support network they can rely on. "Thankfully, my family is amazing and has been a rock for both of us," u/Worried_Analysis_838 tells Bored Panda. "My mom and dad adore my fiancé and treat him like one of their own."
The couple had to mature faster than other people their age -- perhaps that's why they're so emotionally mature and were able to react to the MIL's behavior level-headedly. "We had to grow up pretty fast when we had our son, mainly because we were teenagers when we had him," the Redditor says. "We worked hard without asking for help, and we both have finished college and [provided] for our family."
As for reconciling with the mother-in-law, u/Worried_Analysis_838 doesn't really think it's ever going to be on the table. "I don't see a possible way for us to have a relationship with [her]. Her comments have just gotten worse over time, and I truly see this situation as the last straw."
The young mother has some advice for people who might be dealing with difficult in-laws, too. She says it's best to "shut down the crazy before it turns into psycho." In other words, setting boundaries.
"Setting clear boundaries and enforcing them makes a huge difference when it comes to overbearing in-laws. At some point, it's up to them whether they prioritize how they feel about their relationship over how their adult child feels over their own relationship."
Image credits: Teona Swift / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Gender disappointment is actually a thing, and even some parents might feel it
A child is a blessing for couples who want kids. And while the gender of a baby doesn't matter to all parents-to-be, some might be disappointed when they see blue or pink at a gender reveal party. Similarly, the same goes for grandparents.
The phenomenon when a parent or grandparent might not be happy with a baby's gender is called gender disappointment. Reproductive and Perinatal Health Psychologist Shara Brofman, PsyD, explained to Happiest Baby that it's quite a common occurrence.
Dr. Brofman explains that it's not about the child, but it's about the parents or grandparents and their unfulfilled wishes. "[It's about] a person's very specific fantasies and wishes about how they envision their journey as a parent."
People may feel gender disappointment because of familial or cultural pressures. Others might want to replicate a parent-child relationship they had with their parent or vice versa.
Some parents-to-be or grandparents might worry they won't connect to the baby if they're a certain gender. There are also cases where people might have past traumatic experiences like a miscarriage or the loss of a child.
Whatever the reason, these kinds of feelings are valid. "Know that you don't get to be in a relationship with anyone—including your baby—without some disappointment," Dr. Brofman explained.
"It's actually quite normal to have disappointment, and that might manifest in a variety of ways. It just so happens that gender disappointment is a particularly powerful one."
Disclaimer: the more accurate term would be 'sex disappointment' because sex is used to describe physiological characteristics babies get assigned at birth. The term 'gender' refers to socially constructed and learned traits and behaviors. Mental health experts use the term 'gender disappointment' because it is more widely accepted and easier for the general public to understand.
People were appalled at how a grandma could wish such a thing upon her grandchild
Others shared similar evil mother-in-law stories and how they dealt with their MILs
