Most people have quirks of some sort, which their partners are usually used to. Their extended family, however, might not be familiar with them, which can make certain situations difficult to navigate.
For this redditor, it was his views towards privacy and sharing that put him in a rather unfavorable situation. While on vacation in Italy, he couldn’t help but feel irked by his mother-in-law going through his and his wife’s stuff or using their hygiene products, which eventually led to a huge fight and an early departure home. Scroll down to find the full story below, as well as the reactions from fellow netizens and the wife herself, who replied to her husband in the comments.
Family relationships can be difficult to navigate
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This man got in a fight with his wife over his mother-in-law and went home on his own, leaving his family in Italy
Image credits: Engin Akyurt / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo)
The man provided an update on the situation
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The OP’s wife told Bored Panda that it was her husband leaving his family behind that upset her the most
In an interview with Bored Panda, the OP’s wife, Maria, revealed that the thing that upset her the most was the fact that her husband stormed off, leaving her and her daughter in Italy. “I can understand if his anger is directed at me, but it is unacceptable how he also took it out on her. Our daughter is five – she may not understand a lot of things going on around her, but she is old enough to know that her father is angry and abandoned her in Italy.”
The woman shared that there was never seemingly a problem between her husband and her mom, who would sometimes help the parents by looking after their five-year-old. “He's usually very appreciative, though once he did mention that he found it unhygienic that my mom, unaware, used his plate for lunch when he found it on the drying rack. I honestly think that he might have some kind of undiagnosed OCD because he's always been a little like this, but it's gotten worse recently.
“Since my mom has been helping us out a lot with our daughter, I thought it'd be nice to show our appreciation to invite her on this trip with us,” Maria added. “I would admit that my husband took some convincing to agree, but he said it'd be nice for her to help out with our daughter so we could go out alone.
“Upon further reflection, I don't think he wanted our daughter there in the first place, as he was more distant than usual. I am still furious at him for that, because our daughter doesn't understand why her father doesn't want her there, and she felt neglected. I opted to spend more time with her and told John that he could go out for a while on his own. That was when my mom told me about how he'd been treating her all trip and I just kind of exploded on him when he came back, and it caused him to storm off,” she recalled.
“I just wish that our daughter wasn't there to witness that. I should've controlled my temper better around her,” she admitted. “I honestly felt bad after he stormed off. I called him several times after that, and he rejected all of my calls. I was honestly worried sick. He is hot-headed sometimes, and I was worried that something happened to him. I barely slept that night.”
However, by the time the morning came, the husband had not called his wife back; instead, he wrote a post, which a friend of hers sent to Maria. “I read the post and just felt my heart sink,” she said. “To think that I was so stressed the whole night about his whereabouts while he spent his time booking a flight home and writing a rant post about how he thought me and my mother were [jerks] really broke my heart.”
Having to spend a lot of time with family can get on people’s nerves
Sometimes even the people we love most can be annoying or difficult to deal with, whether they’re partners, family, or friends. And that often becomes increasingly evident when on vacation, when you’re typically sharing a home and spending nearly every minute together.
For this redditor, it was dealing with his mother-in-law that got difficult when the family was spending time in Italy. While that was the result of numerous things, including the MIL’s behavior and the OP’s views towards privacy and sharing, it might have also happened partially due to a phenomenon known as ‘hypercopresence’, which refers to people spending an extended period of time together without sufficient room for autonomous behaviors.
In a piece for BBC, a professor of communication studies at West Virginia University, Melanie Booth-Butterfield, expanded on the phenomena, pointing out that, “Hypercopresence can result in conflicts with relatives, angry words that cannot be taken back, and cold, rude nonverbal behaviours which leave lasting impressions.”
In the OP’s case, him asking his mother-in-law whether the reason she went on vacation together was to freeload, as well as telling her to stop using his wife's stuff, clearly left a lasting impression and arguably ruined both the relationship with the MIL, as well as the one with his own wife.
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It’s good to know just how annoying your partner can get
In the comments under the post, the OP admitted that he might need to work on his views towards privacy, which was seemingly one of the main causes of the fallout. While that is no reason to treat your mother-in-law poorly or leave your family in a foreign country, certain quirks are something that many people live with on a daily basis.
And they’re not the only ones living with said unique or sometimes odd qualities; their partners are, too. That’s likely why individuals often refer to their significant others as the love of their life and the most annoying person they know interchangeably.
Chances are, in the beginning of the relationship a partner’s peculiar ways might not be as apparent; they might not feel fully comfortable showing all of their sides or may even be self-conscious about their seemingly unconventional behavior. However, it’s important that they eventually reveal the arguably out-of-the-ordinary or simply annoying traits to their partner.
In a piece for Psychology Today, an associate professor of human development and family studies at the University of New Hampshire, Dr. Tyler Jamison, pointed out that it’s important to know just how much a partner can annoy you. That’s because even the most wonderful partners have irritating traits, which tend to intensify over time, so knowing what they are might help an individual choose the right partner, whose peculiarities they’re willing to accept—or maybe even find charming—instead of spending time trying to “fix” their partner.
It’s unclear how much the OP’s views towards privacy, hygiene, and sharing, for that matter, annoyed his wife. It was, however, pretty evident that his mother-in-law’s behavior got on his nerves. That eventually led to a huge fight between the spouses and the husband opting for an earlier departure date, which quite a few netizens deemed to be the wrong thing to do. They shared their thoughts in the comments, where the OP’s wife herself gave her two cents as well.
“I replied out of anger; I was not thinking straight,” Maria told Bored Panda. “I just felt all of the blood rush to my head at that moment, and I wanted to get back at him for the way he hurt me.
“I read his comments about apologizing and calling me – I never received that call. I wanted for him to see me; to see my anger at him and what he did. So I made an account and wrote that comment. I also blocked his phone number.”
The woman said that not much has changed after that. “I didn't contact a lawyer yet, though that's the first thing that I'll be doing once I get home. I took my mother and daughter out in the city. I can't let this ruin their trip either. I don't know if John has contacted me. I didn't contact him, and none of our relatives know as of now. My mother was worried sick and I really appreciate her being here. I once thought John was the center of my world. But now I know that the center of his world is himself, rotten and selfish to the very core.”
Image credits: cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo)
In the comments under the post, Maria shared her side of the story, too
Many people thought the husband was a jerk for how he handled the situation
Some netizens, though, sided with the husband
