A lack of boundaries may manifest in two general ways: either you allow others to walk all over you, or you overstep other people’s personal space. The latter may be a sense of entitlement from someone who holds more authority, like a parent-in-law, something that tends to happen quite a lot.
Today’s story is no different. A woman offered to pay for the hotel accommodations of her son and his wife, but there was a catch: she was tagging along and sleeping in the same room.
The daughter-in-law had been dreading what would have been a relaxing holiday. Now, she plans to book her own room, but she wonders if her actions would be too distasteful.
Some parents-in-law lack proper boundaries, and it creates unwanted family drama
Image credits: Sora Sagano / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
A woman was delighted after her mother-in-law offered to pay for hotel accommodations for her vacation
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
However, the good deed came with a catch
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Stressed by the idea of bunking with her mother-in-law, the daughter now plans to get her own room
Image credits:Interesting-Loss5861
Mothers-in-law always want to be in the picture out of fear of feeling left out
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Most of the family drama stories you’ve likely read on this site involve mothers-in-law, and there’s a reason for that. The friction often happens with their son’s wives, and according to California-based psychologist Dr. Amy Keller, PsyD, it’s primarily due to fear of abandonment.
“She may have always been the leading lady in her son's life. And now you have taken her place,” Dr. Keller said in an interview with Very Well Mind.
Some moms-in-law tend to overstep boundaries, like showing up unannounced and expecting to be taken care of or invading personal space. While they may not intentionally want to intrude, their actions may damage the relationship.
“This can lead to a power struggle if she is intentionally or subconsciously hoping to manipulate an outcome to her favor, such as when something does not go her way,” cognitive-behavioral psychologist and author Dr. Terri Bacow told Scary Mommy.
Dr. Bacow adds that other examples of subtle boundary violations may include overstaying one’s welcome, such as choosing to remain in one's home instead of a hotel. Or, as what happened in this story, staying in the same hotel room because she paid for it.
Teletherapy psychologist Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten, a.k.a Dr. PsychMom, attributes such behavior to possible disorders like narcissism or borderline personality. In an article for her website, she emphasized the importance of setting physical and/or emotional boundaries.
Physical boundaries may include limiting visits, limiting communication to texts and emails, or giving a 24-hour notice before seeing each other. Emotional boundaries would involve refusing to tolerate underhanded insults or criticisms.
The author did what she felt was right for her sake and sanity by booking her hotel room. However, she must communicate this with her mother-in-law by clearly explaining her intentions. The last thing she wants is to create a divide and put her husband in a difficult situation.
Most readers didn’t think there would be anything wrong with going solo, with others offering suggestions
