One of the best ways to gauge how much someone respects you is to look at how they treat your simplest boundaries. Are they mindful of them? Or do they trample all over them to show their dominance and lower your self-esteem? For many people, this isn’t a theoretical question. Especially when it comes to their relationships with their in-laws.
A woman posted a rant online to show just how tense her relationship with her mother-in-law had become. According to her, her MIL gave her a panic attack after she entered the room while she was changing, refusing to take “no” for an answer. Not only that, but she was entirely apologetic and had an excuse ready. Check out the full story and the internet’s reactions to the family drama below.
Sadly, respect for basic boundaries is rarer than it should be
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This woman detailed how her mother-in-law tried to assert her dominance when she stayed over
Image credits: Magnific (not the actual photo)
Image credits: armmypicca / magnific (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Miccony
If you want a healthy relationship with someone, there is no alternative to clear communication
At the end of the day, there are very few people in the world who are pure evil. Most folks fall into a vast gray area where they likely have good intentions, but they might lack self-awareness about how their behavior affects everyone around them.
They’re probably a bit selfish but also often kind, greedy but grateful, and controlling but caring. Most of us have good and bad aspects. That being said, this is not an excuse to ignore other people’s boundaries. It is common sense that if someone asks you not to barge into their room, you respect their wishes. Wanting a bit of privacy is not a sin.
According to licensed psychologist Jeff Segal, Psy.D., we all draw the line between in-laws and so-called ‘outlaws’ by how we handle conflicts, acceptance, boundaries, and trust. “Investing in these relationships with genuine care, we build families that can hold love and difference without breaking apart.”
Healthy relationships with your in-laws are possible when there’s a focus on respect and honoring boundaries. The opposite happens when criticism and rivalry overwhelmingly dominate the relationships.
One of the main tools in your arsenal when forging these healthier connections is open, honest, and frequent communication, from both sides. Whenever you have an issue with someone, approach them about it. Try to be respectful and avoid loaded criticism. Meanwhile, don’t avoid the problem by venting about your issues to other members of the family.
Parents ought to understand that their adult child’s partner and family are their new priority. So, before you start offering advice and stepping into parenting decisions, ask them. Be mindful of their boundaries and show them some basic respect. Furthermore, showing a bit of appreciation, support, and validation can do wonders for every relationship.
Setting boundaries where there were none before can be messy. It takes people a while to adjust
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“Avoid pulling your child into divided loyalties; it’s a lose-lose situation. Try to look at all the outside family relationships your adult children have to navigate. Looking through their lenses can shed clarity on all of the competing and complicated in-law relationships they often have to navigate successfully. Sometimes when they say no to your request, it’s really not about you, but rather, they are trying to juggle the larger picture of multiple family members,” Segal writes in a piece on Psychology Today.
You have to be realistic about setting boundaries. No matter how clear you are about your expectations and the potential consequences of ignoring your boundaries, it will take other people a while to adapt.
As per ‘Happy Apple,’ setting boundaries can be initially uncomfortable for everyone. Your in-laws might “test the limits, react emotionally, or guilt-trip you.” What’s best here is that you stay calm and consistent while everyone adjusts to the new family dynamics.
Here’s what else you can do:
- Gently reinforce your boundaries when they are crossed
- Do not justify or over-explain every decision
- Don’t aim for perfection, but rather celebrate small improvements in behavior
What is your relationship with your partner’s parents like? Have you had any challenges with your in-laws, or is your relationship with them, y’know, actually healthy? What advice would you give young couples whose extended family keeps testing their boundaries in big and small ways? Share your wisdom and family drama moments in the comments—we’ll be keeping an eye out for them.
The author shared even more details as she interacted with some readers in the comments
The internet had a lot to say about the nightmare MIL situation
