When someone decides to get married, they’re envisioning a life with their partner. Perhaps they’re dreaming about all of the adventures they’ll go on together, the house they’ll build one day, and the children that they’ll bring into the world and raise side by side.
What people often forget to factor in is what role their partner’s family will play in their lives. And unfortunately for one woman, her wife’s mother has made it clear that she'll never be welcome in the family. Below, you’ll find the full story of why this woman decided to go no contact with her mother-in-law, as well as some of the replies invested readers shared.
This woman has been ignored and excluded by her mother-in-law for years
Image credits: westend61 / Envato (not the actual photo)
So she's finally decided to give up on having a relationship with her
Image credits: alexlucru123 / Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: prathanchorruangsak / Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Mari_rpf92
Three quarters of couples admit that they've had issues with an in-law
At this point, having issues with your mother-in-law feels like a cliché. The toxic mother-in-law trope has been portrayed countless times in films and television shows, and we’re all tired of hearing about petty mothers who refuse to accept their children’s spouses. But there’s a reason why these stories are so common.
According to research from psychologist Terri Apter, 60% of women admit that their relationship with their mother-in-law has caused them stress and long-term unhappiness. Meanwhile, a whopping three quarters of couples report that they’ve had issues with an in-law, usually involving a mother-in-law.
So why do so many people have conflicts with their spouse’s mom? Access Therapy notes that it’s best to try to understand where a toxic mother-in-law is coming from before deciding on how to handle the relationship. And one potential explanation for her behavior may be empty nest syndrome.
It can be challenging for parents to accept the fact that their children have grown up and moved away. This sometimes causes anxiety, depression and/or a loss of purpose. Because of this, parents may take out their stress or sadness on their children’s partners.
Another reason a mother-in-law may not be warm towards her daughter-in-law is the fear that she’s losing her influence on her child. She may see her child start to dress differently, take up new hobbies or begin practicing new beliefs. Rather than accepting that this may be her child’s true self, a mother may assume that she no longer has any influence on her child. She may feel as though she’s been replaced.
It's often necessary to establish boundaries with a toxic mother-in-law
Generational differences can also cause tension between mother and daughter-in-laws. They may have different views on how children should be raised, what the role of a wife entails and who should be the breadwinner. Some mothers may take it personally if their daughter-in-law wants to make different choices than she made in her youth.
Now, when it comes to how to deal with a toxic mother-in-law, ChoosingTherapy recommends communicating openly with your partner about the issue. Be gentle with how you express your concerns, but never try to swallow them. Practicing self-care can also go a long way. If your relationship with your mother-in-law is causing you stress, make sure that you find ways to manage and relieve your anxiety.
Meanwhile, make sure that you don’t fall for your mother-in-law’s victim card. And try not to take it personally if she takes her frustration out on you. She is likely struggling with something internally, and she just hasn’t found a healthy way of dealing with it yet. Even if she seems to despise you, it’s not really about you.
When necessary, set boundaries with your toxic mother-in-law. She’s not the only one who can make decisions about your relationship. And if you believe that the best move for your mental health is to limit the time you spend around her, you may need to establish strict boundaries.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. How would you have acted if you were in the author’s shoes? Then, if you’re looking for another Bored Panda article discussing mother-in-law drama, look no further than right here.
Readers shared advice and called out the mother-in-law for her behavior, and the author joined in on the conversation
