When people become grandparents, they may find it challenging at first to relinquish their parenting duties and let their grown-up children make decisions about their baby. Fortunately, most people get the hang of these new roles, while some end up becoming overbearing grandparents instead.
This is exactly what happened with a woman whose meddling mother-in-law used her time with her grandkid to teach the little one to call her mama. Things became even worse when the toddler started referring to her own mom by her name.
More info: Reddit
It is difficult to set boundaries with toxic in-laws, especially when they have a close connection to the young children in the family
Image credits: Kateryna Hliznitsova / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The poster explained that while she and her husband lived with his family for a year, his parents interfered a lot with their parenting decisions
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
What used to annoy the poster the most was when her mother-in-law kept referring to herself as “mama” in front of her grandchild
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Eventually, the toddler began calling the poster by her name and referred to her grandma as mama, which worried the poster
Image credits: nic_angel
Even though the mom felt bothered by her daughter not calling her mama, she didn’t know what to do or how to set boundaries with her mother-in-law
It seems like the woman and her husband’s mom always had a rocky relationship, which became exacerbated when they were all living together. It was especially tough when the mother-in-law was interfering with their parenting so much that they had to tiptoe around her all the time.
According to psychologists, it’s sometimes even tougher to set boundaries with toxic parents when you are all living under one roof. Many arguments might arise from people’s expectations about the right thing to do when it comes to parenting or lifestyle choices. That’s why it’s important to first try to understand the other person’s perspective and stay firm with your own values.
The woman tried her best to do that, but it became very tough to manage since her husband was not taking her side whenever his mom overstepped. He didn’t find it concerning that his mother kept referring to herself as “mama” to her granddaughter, and pretended to be saying “nana” whenever she was caught.
When it comes to situations like this, it’s possible that some grandparents might desire a greater involvement in the way their grandchildren are being parented. Experts state that this often happens because some older folks find it hard to relinquish their parenting authority and don’t want to step back and let their kids take the reins.
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
After the OP and her husband moved out of her in-laws' house, they got busy with their work. That’s why their toddler had to be looked after by a nanny, and her grandma babysat her once a week. Unfortunately, the older woman used that time to teach the little one to call her mama and to call her mother by her actual name.
When a young child calls someone else mom, it can be a painful and heartbreaking situation for their actual mother to deal with. The good part is that toddlers have a limited understanding of the meaning of words, and so calling someone mama is simply a reaction to the care and safety they might be experiencing.
The problem is that the OP was feeling annoyed and bothered by her daughter’s words and her mother-in-law’s taunts. She didn’t know what to do because her husband didn’t seem to have her back, and the older woman just kept secretly pushing her agenda.
In situations like this, family experts advise addressing such concerns as soon as possible instead of letting resentment fester. It’s also important for people to back their partner up and take the lead when it comes to setting boundaries with their parents. Hopefully, this is exactly what the man did later on, so that his wife didn’t have to worry about their toddler calling someone else mama.
What do you think the right thing to do is in such a case? We’d love to hear if you have any suggestions or solutions for the OP.
Folks were outraged on behalf of the poster, and they advised her to put her mother-in-law on a long timeout
