Everyone wants to get along with their in-laws to keep the relationship smooth, but sometimes that’s just not possible. In certain cases, even if a person is trying their best to please their partner’s parents, the older folks are the ones who tend to be very stubborn or have unrealistic expectations.
This is what a woman experienced when deciding on a name for her baby. She was annoyed by her mother-in-law demanding the child be named after her and throwing a tantrum when she was told that wouldn’t happen.
More info: Reddit
People should learn about and respect the traditions of their spouse’s family, but it isn’t necessary to follow the ones they aren’t comfortable with
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The poster explained that she was pregnant with a baby girl and had decided to name her Scarlette but knew that her mother-in-law had a different name in mind for the kid
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The mother-in-law wanted her grandkid to be named after her, which was part of their family’s tradition that she desperately wanted the woman to follow
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
When the woman told her mom-in-law she wouldn’t be naming the child after her, she freaked out, threatened her, and said she’d go no contact
Image credits: Wise-Pool-8073
The woman felt exasperated and stressed out by her mother-in-law but still made a few compromises with the woman regarding the child’s middle name and baptism
A difficult realization that the OP must have had when dealing with her husband’s mom is how little the other woman cared about her feelings. The mother-in-law only wanted to enforce her family’s traditions and didn’t even stop to think about the needs and wants of her daughter-in-law. She simply wanted her way no matter what.
It’s definitely a struggle to deal with difficult in-laws who can’t seem to show any empathy. That’s why Bored Panda reached out to Diane Gottsman, a national etiquette expert and the owner of the Protocol School of Texas, for her advice on handling such situations.
We asked Diane what a person can do if they feel forced to follow their in-law's traditions (like this one), especially if they don’t agree with the idea. She told us that “when a family member wants the parents to name the child after a [relative], or specifically the person making the request or demand, it’s not necessary to comply.”
“Knowing it may cause some hurt feelings, the parents-to-be should do what they feel is best for their own family, mom, dad, and child. The final decision to name the child belongs to the mother-in-law’s son and daughter-in-law. It’s not necessary to ask permission or make any excuse,” she added.
It might seem easy to say no to an overbearing in-law, but as the OP’s story proves, that’s definitely not the case. The poster did exactly what Diane mentioned one should do. She turned her mother-in-law down and decided to go ahead with her own baby name idea. Unfortunately, this led to even more chaos and a big disagreement between the women.
Image credits: Amina Filkins / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The OP’s mother-in-law wanted her future grandkid to be named after her so badly that she made things difficult for her daughter-in-law. She threatened the OP to name the baby after her, or she’d cut her off. She also made racist comments, called the poster unreasonable, said she’d go to hell and behaved rudely with her.
Diane Gottsman explained that in such situations, “if the MIL (or family member) disagrees or makes a scene, including putting it online, have the spouse related to the family member have a chat with the person. In this case, the husband should have a stern chat with his mother and explain that her behavior will not be tolerated.”
Luckily, the poster’s husband took her side and had a stern talk with his mother. He was also willing to distance himself and his family from his mom to protect his wife’s mental peace. This kind of support from one’s partner can really help in situations where in-laws are inconsiderate or overbearing.
Diane also said that the best way to set boundaries with a pushy in-law is to “refrain from insulting the person, but say [the tradition] is simply not a fit for your family. Set boundaries and don’t allow the mother-in-law or family member to continue the discussion.”
“You can’t change what they do outside of your family or what they tell other people, but people will easily figure out who is being unreasonable. Even royal families aren’t forced to name their children after a particular person. They do so to honor an important figurehead, but the choice remains with the parents,” she added.
It would be heartwarming to see the mother-in-law turn over a new leaf and accept her daughter-in-law’s wishes, wouldn’t it? Unfortunately, that’s far from the truth, and the unhinged woman actually made a Reddit post explaining her point of view and trying to gain sympathy. Luckily, netizens saw right through the act and called her out on her behavior.
Do you think the woman could have dealt with her in-law’s request differently? What would you have done if you were in her shoes? Do open up if you’ve got a different perspective.
People were enraged by the husband’s mom’s behavior and urged the poster to cut her in-law out of her life as soon as possible
