Trust is one of the most important building blocks of all relationships. And any relationship can instantly go southwards if trust is broken. While some can have a hope of being salvaged, others might not be so lucky.
Just like today’s original poster (OP) whose marriage was caught in a great shamble after a friend convinced her to hire a private investigator and check if her husband was cheating. Although nothing was found, her husband realized what she had done, 2 years later. And now, her relationship with him is on rocky waves.
More info: Reddit
The poster of this story has been married to her husband for over 2 years and they have a 16-month-old son
Image credits: Amina Filkins (not the actual photo)
When she was pregnant, a friend got cheated on by her fiancé, so she convinced the poster to hire a private investigator and check whether even her husband was cheating
Image credits: u/ThrowRAsada31
Image credits: DC Studio (not the actual photo)
However, there was no dirt to be found on her husband, so she stopped the investigation and ended things with her friend
Image credits: u/ThrowRAsada31
Image credits: Ivan Samkov (not the actual photo)
But after 2 years, her husband saw her old phone and found out about the investigation that she had done on him
Image credits: u/ThrowRAsada31
The husband didn't fight with her but started giving her the cold shoulder. Desperate for advice on saving her marriage, she went online
In today’s story, we dive into the mess that Reddit user ThrowRAsada31 got herself into. After her honeymoon, she found out that she was pregnant and at the same time, her best friend broke up with her fiancé as he cheated on her. Soon, the now-single friend went and tried to convince the poster that her husband was also cheating on her.
Consumed with doubt, the pregnant woman hired a private investigator and decided to check her husband’s fidelity, even when she had zero proof about anything. Well, the investigator did a little digging and couldn’t find any dirt on her husband. So, she stopped the investigation, and knowing how her friend had influenced her, she also broke ties with her.
Ever since this incident, she had been the perfect wife to her husband and had also fallen more deeply in love with him. And since he had not done anything wrong and she was afraid of hurting him, she didn’t tell him what she had done, and life moved on for them.
Now, fast forward two years, their son was 16 months old. Her husband took out her old phone to look for some pictures and found an unknown number over there. Going through the chat, he was awfully shocked to find that she had him investigated. When he confronted her, she came clean about how the influence from her friend combined with the pregnancy had pushed her to that action.
To this, he didn’t shout or say anything to her. Rather, he just kissed their son and walked away. And even when he came back a few hours later, he didn’t say anything. When she asked him where he had been, he coldly replied that he was not out cheating on her. Ever since, he has been giving her the cold shoulder and ignoring her.
The woman said that she was aware she had broken his trust and hurt him a lot, but she was desperate to save her marriage. So, she vented online and asked Redditors what she could do to fix this situation and save her marriage. Well, like always, the Redditors responded, some harshly, some truthfully, and some with valuable advice.
Image credits: Ben White (not the actual photo)
The first thing that the netizens did was call her out for blindly believing a friend when she had literally zero evidence that her husband might be cheating. And hiring an investigator was a betrayal of his trust. The netizens strongly condemned this as they believe that trust is the most important factor in a relationship.
Eagles Mediation & Counselling Centre states, “Betrayal, regardless of whether it is psychological, emotional and/or physical, destroys trust in relationships instantaneously. It is not always possible to repair a relationship after one party has betrayed the trust of the other.”
It really infuriated the Redditors that she broke this trust and even hid everything from him. They said that if he had never found out, she would’ve kept the secret forever, and he would never know that she was not the person that she pretended to be.
One netizen put it, “You will work for years and years to try to re-earn the trust you threw away, but that trust you regain will never be the same as it was, because trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if it’s broken, but you will always see and remember the cracks when you look in the reflection.”
People also said that spying is never the solution as it’s not a healthy habit. According to Marriage.com, “Spying on your partner is a decision that can come with a lot of consequences that may project further into your future than you realize. It’s also a vicious cycle that comes with a lot of risks.”
Redditors also told OP that she had to live with the consequences of her actions, she can’t just expect her husband to bounce back within a day and be all loving and forgiving immediately. Some also advised that she should give him space instead of constantly and aggressively apologizing. They said that it would be better if she let him come and talk to her whenever he’s ready.
As per Psych Central, “Space can heal a relationship. Taking time apart can allow you both to think about the issues in your relationship, cool off, learn new coping strategies, and come back together with a different lens or perspective that can be difficult to have when you’re together and actively fighting through your issues.”
It seems like the Redditors might be right after all. But not everyone believed that their relationship could be salvaged. Some even stated that the husband will never be able to trust her and divorcing would be much healthier than remaining in an untrustworthy relationship. Do you think this marriage can be saved? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.
The Redditors told her that she had to face the consequences of what she had done and also advised her to give him time to process the hurt
