Motherhood can be wonderful, but it is not a path everyone wants to take. Some women dream of becoming mothers, while others know they would rather build a life without children, and neither choice is wrong. The tricky part is that people can have strong opinions about a decision that belongs only to the person making it.
Australian model Ellie Gonsalves found herself at the center of a huge backlash after sharing 117 reasons she has no plans to become a mother. Some of the reasons were serious, while others were clearly meant to be humorous, but the list still stirred up plenty of criticism online.
The decision to become a parent is personal, yet people often have plenty to say about it
Australian model Ellie Gonsalves took to Instagram with 117 reasons she does not want children
Ellie Gonsalves is an Australian model, actress, and influencer who has built a career in front of the camera and a huge online following. She has also been in a long-term relationship with her partner, Ross Scutts for 15 years, whom she married in 2023, which means she has heard the same question about having children for quite a while. Eventually, she decided to answer it in a way that left very little room for confusion.
Ellie took to Instagram with a list of 117 reasons she did not want to have children. She explained that giving a short answer had never seemed to satisfy people, so she decided to spell out the thoughts behind her decision instead. Some of her reasons were serious, while others were clearly meant to be humorous.
Ellie revealed that her decision to remain child-free is deeply personal and reflects the life she wanted for herself
Her list touched on everything from exhaustion and the loss of personal freedom to pregnancy-related changes and the lifelong responsibility that comes with raising a child. She also mentioned concerns about the world children would grow up in, along with plenty of smaller frustrations that she personally did not want to sign up for.
Ellie made it clear the list was about her own life and did not mean she believed everyone should make the same choice. She acknowledged that parenthood is wonderful for people who want it, but said she did not see herself living that life. For her, the decision was something she had thought about for years, and it is not a spur-of-the-moment choice.
Her post sparked a lot of harsh criticism, while other women shared why they could relate
Still, sharing that decision publicly opened the floodgates. Gonsalves said she received hundreds of awful messages, with some people calling her horrible and broken for being so open about not wanting children.
At the same time, plenty of women told her they understood where she was coming from, turning the personal list into a much bigger conversation about motherhood, choice and the pressure to explain why you do not want it.
People choose different paths when it comes to parenthood, and neither decision should be made simply to satisfy outside expectations
Choosing not to have children is becoming a more openly discussed life decision, and people arrive at it for all kinds of reasons. Pew Research Center found that among U.S. adults under 50 who are unlikely to have children, 57% say they do not want to, while others point to wanting to focus on other things, financial concerns, or worries about the state of the world.
And not wanting to become a parent does not automatically mean someone dislikes children. Research from the American Psychological Association has found that child-free adults can face stereotypes that they are selfish, irresponsible, or even that they hate children. In reality, people can enjoy being around kids and still know that raising one is not the life they want for themselves.
Raising a child requires time, money, patience, and a willingness to make major changes to your life. For someone who truly wants that experience, those sacrifices may feel worthwhile. In contrast, someone who does not want children may reasonably decide that parenthood is not a commitment they should take on just because other people expect it.
Having children can bring meaning to life, but it is not the only path to finding it
This does not mean one path automatically leads to a happier life. Research found that 71% of younger adults without children say having a fulfilling life has little to do with whether someone has kids. People can find purpose through relationships, careers, hobbies, and other parts of their lives, just as parents can find enormous meaning in raising their children.
Ellie’s list may have sparked plenty of criticism, but her decision comes down to knowing what kind of life she wants for herself. Parenthood can be incredibly rewarding for people who want it, while choosing to remain child-free can be the right decision for someone who knows they do not want that responsibility.
What about you? Do you want to have children someday, or are you choosing a child-free life? What has shaped the way you feel about parenthood? Let us know in the comments!
A look at the 117 reasons Ellie Gonsalves gave for not wanting children, as shared on her Instagram
The debate continued, with readers split over Ellie’s reasons for staying child-free
