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We reached out to the creator of Modern Mom Probs, Tara Clark, to hear what inspired her to launch this brand. She told us, “While I was a stay-at-home mom in 2017 living in NYC, I created the Instagram account as a way to connect with other mothers and have a creative outlet to make jokes about motherhood. The account evolved over time to be uplifting and normalizing the tough conversations surrounding modern motherhood. Modern Mom Probs can be first world problems, like planning elaborate first birthday parties ranging to postpartum depression. They can be humorous or serious, and I like to shed light on them all.”
We also asked Tara if she could tell us about the best parts and the hardest parts of being a mother. “The best parts of being a mom are the snuggles and ‘I love you, Mommy’s,” she said. “Also, it's incredible to be an integral part of a child's development into a capable, kind, good human being. When you sit back and think about it, it works. Parenting works. Like we model kindness at home, and they act kindly to their friends. We show them how to brush their teeth and they brush their teeth independently. The work we do matters.”
What Tara finds the most challenging part of being a mother is seeing her children struggle. “It's hard to see your children experience pain or sadness, but you know they have to. It's a part of life,” she told us.
We also asked Tara how the Modern Mom Probs community has benefitted her, and she told us that it inspires her everyday. “From the community, I’ve learned that although we may be in different parts of the world and we may all experience motherhood differently, we still share common experiences, which unite us. Plus I've made some of my best friends through this account.”
Today, Modern Mom Probs has a powerful online presence consisting of a website, blog, Instagram account, Facebook page, Twitter account and podcast. Tara even published a book in 2021 for fellow moms titled Modern Mom Probs: A Survival Guide for 21st Century Mothers. The book tackles managing screen time with children, navigating “playground geopolitics”, overcoming information overload, educating children about inclusivity, how to find and keep mom friends, and more. The book has received rave reviews from readers, including fellow mommy blogger Deb Biondolillo.
“Tara at ModernMomProbs is a relatable, authentic, hilarious mother who brings a sigh of relief to today's mom,” says Deb. “Visiting her page makes any mother feel like she's not alone in this wonderfully chaotic adventure of parenthood. Like a virtual hug, ModernMomProbs lifts you up in moments of mom despair whether it be through inspirational, funny, or heartwarming posts. Tara is a true delight; one I may not have met if it weren't for this amazing community she's built, and I'm so lucky I can call her a friend. Quite simply, the powerful message Tara brilliantly conveys through ModernMomProbs is, 'You got this, Mama'."
Tara’s Modern Mom Probs podcast is the most recent addition to her empire, but it’s also been taking off. Started in April 2022, the show currently has eight episodes tackling topics such as “Co-Parenting Effectively”, “The State of Working Mothers”, “Breaking Generational Cycles”, “Social Media Tweens” and “Teaching Children to Think About the World Beyond Themselves”. Each episode features insight from an expert on the topic, including child development experts, comedians, authors and parents. Listeners are also loving the show, with one reviewer on Apple podcasts saying, “Tara asked all the questions that were on the tip of my tongue. I love how she jumps right into the meat of the issue without a lot of idle chit chat and respects my time. Great guest choices, respectful and caring… Checks all the boxes and then some.”
We also reached out to Chelsy Thériault, author and creator of the blog Motherhood & Mayhem, to hear what sorts of pressures she finds that moms face today that previous generations didn’t. One issue Chelsy has discussed on her blog before is the idea of “mom shaming” and how much easier it has become due to social media. Chelsy says moms online commonly shame others about their choices surrounding breastfeeding, baby milestones, working, their bodies, birth choices, self care, and more. “Not only do we have all of these expectations piled upon us as mothers, but we also have people telling us how we’re doing it wrong,” Chelsy says. “This can cause moms to question their parenting skills and feel guilty for ‘doing it wrong’. It sucks because science has shown that mom shame can affect our brain chemistry, making the feeling of shame stronger and emotionally deeper – especially when the cultural expectations of motherhood are so high.”
We also asked Chelsy what advice she has for new mothers feeling pressured to be perfect. “The ‘Mom Comparison Trap’ is a terrible rabbit hole to fall down,” Chelsy told us. “To avoid the pressure to be a ‘perfect’ mom by comparing yourself to others you see online, remember to be realistic about what you see on social media. What goes on behind closed doors is often vastly different that what is posted on Instagram. If you were to compare yourself to the realities that other moms face on a regular basis, you would be at par!”
Being a mother has never been easy, but as our world evolves rapidly, new difficulties emerge that previous generations never needed to worry about. According to Mary Hermann, a professor of counseling, being a mother today is much harder than it was 30 years ago. She wrote a piece for Thrive explaining that life was simpler in the 80s and 90s because the cost of living was much lower, so unpaid maternity leave was not as likely to cause stress on families. Even mothers who had careers did not feel as much pressure to return to work as quickly as possible for fear of going into debt. Mary also said that when she had newborns and returned to her office, it was easier to establish a healthy work-life balance because “there was little technology to extend [her] workday”. It’s a bit trickier to avoid work communication after hours when your laptop and cell phone are constant reminders of your job.
Mary goes on to explain that “motherhood norms have radically changed” over the past few decades. She notes that when her children were young, it was perfectly fine to let them play outside unsupervised, and nobody judged mothers who made use of conveniences like frozen dinners and the occasional fast food to make their lives a little easier. Today, however, moms are expected to keep a close eye on everything their children do. From where and how they play outside to every piece of candy they eat to exactly how many minutes of screentime they’re allotted, kids are monitored much closer than they were in previous generations. As Mary writes, “Current cultural expectations include meeting these extreme motherhood standards and working outside of the home, and doing it all perfectly while appearing as though their balancing act is effortless.”
Among the list of unrealistic expectations placed on mothers nowadays, Mary notes that there is a trend pressuring mothers to breastfeed. (And making those who can’t or opt not to feel guilty for using formula.) According to Courtney Jung’s book Lactivism: How Feminists and Fundamentalists, Hippies and Yuppies, and Physicians and Politicians Made Breastfeeding Big Business and Bad Policy, there has been a huge rise in the number of mothers who breastfeed since the 1970’s, growing from 24% in 1971 to 79% in 2014. However, the physical act of breastfeeding has not gotten any easier on mothers, with many having to navigate returning to full-time jobs while finding time to pump and being the sole parent in charge of feeding their young children. Mothers should be able to choose the method of nourishment that works best for themselves and their babies, rather than feeling pressured into one route that can significantly disrupt their daily lives.
While modern women are expected to take on more prominent roles outside of the home, somehow their responsibilities inside the home never seem to lessen. Studies have shown that even when both parents work full-time, mothers still take on the lion’s share of housework and childcare responsibilities. On top of all of that, women are simultaneously judged for their appearances more than ever. Of course, the expectation to be beautiful and thin does not just relate to mothers, but they are still targeted, with no sympathy for the fact that their bodies have been through incredible stress from carrying and birthing a child. Plastic surgeons now offer “mommy makeovers”, and the internet is full of suggestions of ways mothers can “bounce back” post pregnancy. The last thing moms should be worrying about when bonding with a newborn is how flat their stomachs are, but unfortunately we can’t take maternity leave from our appearance-obsessed society.
