Modern Wedding Ceremonies And What They Should And Should Not Include

I'm a Wedding Officiant who writes dozens of ceremonies every year. I wonder what people would like to see change in the modern ceremony but maybe didn't know they could and should ask to change.

Most people have determined that there is no need to ask "who gives this wonan/man" but rather "who brings..." or even a simple thank you before asking the escorts and guests to be seated.

Of course quite a bit back we all agreed to change the the "love honor and obey" line to just about anything else.

While I always stress to my couples that the ceremony needs to speak to their love, touch their hearts, most don't ask for many if any changes.

I try to be clear that the ceremony is meant to be a romantically worded legal representation of the marriage contract. An explanation that you are going into this marriage with the rest of your lives in mind. That you are promising to support, love and care for one another until death do you part. Of course we know that doesn't always happen so that is why divorce is so difficult and costly. We have completely intertwined our lives in every possible way and it shouldn't be easy to just walk away from that kind of contract.

However the ceremony should be about the couple before me. How they met, when they knew that they were in love, when they knew that their partner felt the same way. At what point did they decide that forever sounded good? What song, location, sight, snell, word whatever it is, makes them feel like they are on cloud 9 in love?

Whatever those things are that they feel are important to them should be included in their ceremony.

Too many come to me and ask me to just sign the license. I can not do that. I need to hear them each say that they understand what marriage is and what they are agreeing to.

A short but beautifully worded ceremony is the best way to do that even if they just respond with "I do" and a few repeated words during the ring exchange.

The one thing I have been trying to find is that area of the ceremony that this generation, time of weddings really do or do not want included almost across the board.

So far the only thing that comes close is the old unity candle ceremony. Most do not want it to be included these days.

Most want to do a sand, handfasting, tree planting or other insert ceremonies within the main one.

I never want to offend my couples and I love love in all its forms among adults. I try to be careful with my words so I don't offend anyone or insult them. I want to inspire them, touch their hearts and make them feel like their wedding ceremony is one of the most important things I've ever done.

What is the one thing that you would insist be in your wedding ceremony?

What is the one thing you would never include in your ceremony?