Being charitable, helpful, and kind are all wonderful attributes. However, there’s a balance to all things. Just because you earn more doesn’t mean that you should be funding everything your social circle wants. There are common sense boundaries to what others should ask of you.
One anonymous woman went viral on Mumsnet and in the media after asking for advice regarding a spot of delicate news. She opened up about how a friend of hers subtly asked her to contribute £3k (just over $3.8k or nearly €3.5k) to her daughter’s 4th birthday party. Scroll down for the full story and to see how the internet reacted.
Bored Panda reached out to Max Alberhasky, Ph.D., for his perspective on asking for contributions for parties and what to do if parents want to organize birthdays with a limited budget. He was kind enough to shed some light on our questions. Alberhasky is an assistant professor of Marketing at California State University Long Beach and the author of the ‘Psychology, Money, and Happiness’ blog on Psychology Today.
Kids' birthday parties typically don't break the bank. However, some folks go all out and combine various celebrations into one lavish event
Image credits: ImageSourceCur (not the actual photo)
One woman asked for the internet's advice after sharing how her friend asked her to 'contribute' a ton of money to her daughter's party
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages (not the actual photo)
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Asking others for money for a birthday party can be considered taboo
According to Alberhasky, directly asking for money for a birthday party would be considered a social norm violation. "Discussing, and especially asking, others for money is considered taboo in most cases. The social norm for birthdays is not to directly give money to the person but rather to bring them a birthday gift," the author of the ‘Psychology, Money, and Happiness’ blog explained to Bored Panda.
“Oftentimes, people will even go to lengths to get a gift receipt (rather than a normal receipt with the price) or remove the price tag from the gift to obscure how much money the gift cost. Invitations usually mention ‘no gifts please’ or ‘gifts are appreciated’ to signal to guests what the etiquette is for this particular party.”
He noted that asking a friend for a 4-figure contribution to fund a party is akin to "stewing the drama pot on a reality TV series." He added, “If you need to ask for money to fund your birthday party, then you should consider bringing it down a notch and throwing a party that’s comfortably within your budget.”
We asked Alberhasky what parents could do about organizing birthday parties for their kids if they have limited budgets. After all, many of us want to make our family and friends happy. But for some families, money is really tight in this economy.
He told Bored Panda that we have to consider the opportunity cost of our actions. Put simply, it means that if spend our money and time on one thing, these resources can't be spent on something else. "If throwing a lavish birthday party is going to make buying gas and groceries difficult for the month, then plan a party that is more budget-friendly. Nobody will look down on you for hosting a birthday party at your home, a restaurant, or a public park, which can be quite affordable," he advised.
Alberhasky stressed that if you’re invited to a fancy party but have a limited budget, you should consider how important attending the event is. "Sometimes, kids invite everyone in their class to birthday parties, and you don't have to feel pressure to go if you're not particularly close to the person. If your child's best friend is having a birthday party, it might be worth trying to make it work," he shared.
"The strength of the relationship matters, and spending money on a party you don't want to go to just because you were invited might not make sense for your financial situation."
Image credits: Artem Saranin (not the actual photo)
The average birthday party isn't anywhere in the range that was planned by the mom
A survey conducted by What To Expect, a pregnancy and parenting site, found that, on average, parents in the US spend $314 (just over £247) per party. Meanwhile, a fifth of parents fork over more than $500 (nearly £393) per party.
The average party has 9 guest kids in attendance. Meanwhile, the parents themselves have a lot of stress to deal with. The top two sources of anxiety for them include the clean-up and actually getting the guests to confirm their attendance.
Millennial mothers spend more than Generation Z moms. And, naturally, younger kids’ birthdays are generally less costly than older children’s parties. A lot will depend on your income, lifestyle, and expectations.
Generally speaking, children’s birthday parties do not cost thousands of pounds/dollars/insert your favorite currency. The odds are that you’ll have a more down-to-earth budget. You won’t splurge as much as someone who is incredibly well-off, has a massive income stream, and boasts huge investment portfolios.
However, when you start mixing and matching occasions, the cost of everything can balloon pretty quickly. In this particular case, the author explained that her friend doesn’t just want to celebrate her kid’s birthday. She also wants it to coincide with her return to London party. Hence the mind-bogglingly lavish drinks party at a swanky place in Central London.
Image credits: Tairon Fernandez (not the actual photo)
Inviting your friends to an expensive event and then asking them to pitch in with cash can send the wrong signals
Now, look, we’re not going to tell anyone how they should and should not party. Life’s too short not to celebrate whenever you can. That being said, it’s a bit odd to have such different occasions celebrated in a very adult-focused venue.
On top of that, if money seems to be an issue (and it might be if you’re asking your friends for contributions), it might be healthier to slow down, sit down, and rethink your budget.
If money is tight—and there’s no shame in that, many families in the UK and the US are struggling—then you don’t need champagne, catering, and a venue that’ll cost you the moon. And if money isn’t an issue, well then, why ask your friends to fund the event?
Asking for cash contributions is very different from asking for gifts for a birthday party. The latter is widely socially acceptable (and already implied!). The former is bound to raise some eyebrows, though, as the guest is generally expected to finance the party if they’re in charge of organizing it.
Image credits:Karolina Kaboompics (not the actual photo)
In this economy, many families find themselves worrying about bills and cutting back on expenses
A recent survey conducted by the Federal Reserve Bank of Philadelphia found that nearly a third of Americans who earn between $100,000 and $149,999 per year are actually worried about paying their bills over the next 12 months.
A similar number of Americans earning over $150,000 are also feeling serious financial pressure and are anxious about their bills.
Across the pond in the United Kingdom, many families are having to readjust how they spent their hard-earned cash in the past few years. In March 2024, The Guardian reported that 6.7 million Brits were facing financial trouble, with more and more households pushed into debt.
What is the most lavish birthday party that you’ve ever been to, dear Pandas? How much money would you be willing to contribute to a friend’s kid’s party if they hinted at it?
What would you have done if you were in the story author’s shoes? If you have a spare moment, we’d love to hear your thoughts on everything. Feel free to share your opinions in the comments.
The story quickly spread across the internet. Here's what some internet users said after reading it
