With emotions running high, a wedding without a little drama seems unattainable. The day that is supposed to gather the family together for a joyous celebration often makes them experience identity shifts as the nature of their relationships changes. If they were close, they don’t want that fact to change, and if their relationship was strained, the fact becomes just that more apparent.
The source of drama on this couple’s special day was the groom’s mother, who brought his ex-girlfriend as her plus one. She did that out of spite since she didn’t exactly approve of her son’s choice of a romantic partner. However, the groom wasn’t going to tolerate such behavior of hers and escorted both of them out of the reception.
Scroll down to find the full story and a conversation with an experienced wedding planner, stylist, and consultant, Cait Noonan from Celebrait Wedding Co., who kindly agreed to tell us more about plus one etiquette.
Wedding is a day when family and friends gather together for a joyous celebration
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages (not the actual image)
Unfortunately, for this groom, his family was a source of drama instead of joy
Image credits: Sonyachny (not the actual image)
Image credits: Ayşenur (not the actual image)
Image credits: ThrowRAOpposite_Poet
Plus one means that the invitee can bring an additional guest
On paper, wedding plus-ones might seem straightforward. However, when a person is on the receiving end of the invitation, they might start experiencing some confusion, especially if they don’t have a long-term partner by their side.
“The 'plus-one' meaning is when you allow your invitee to bring an additional guest of their choosing. On a wedding invitation, this is designated as 'and guest.' For example, the envelope might read: 'Mr. James R. Smith and guest,'" says wedding and event planner and founder of Emily Coyne Events, Emily Coyne.
Wedding planner, stylist, and consultant, Cait Noonan from Celebrait Wedding Co. believes that guests should get a plus one if they are married, they don't know anyone except the couple getting married or they traveled for the celebration from afar.
"Weddings are expensive and guest lists should be considered carefully," she notes. "In most cases, I believe that the people you invite to your wedding are the people you foresee being in your life for the long haul and so it makes sense to invite their most important person, who you will inevitably have in your life too."
However, there might be some exceptions. "The most common I see is if you're inviting a group from work where they all know each other but partners are not often involved in social catch-ups," Noonan says.
For guests who can bring a plus one to a wedding, it’s recommended that they come with an appropriate date
For guests that can bring a plus one to a wedding, it’s recommended that they come with an appropriate date. Typically, this consists of a romantic partner. "I feel that the only appropriate plus one for a wedding is a long-term partner if you know a lot of others in attendance. If you fall into the categories I outlined above—you don't know anyone except the couple getting married or you're traveling from interstate/overseas—then it might be appropriate to bring a close friend or sibling."
In this case, it's important to check in with a couple to see if they can bring a friend or family member as an alternative.
"An ex-partner is absolutely not okay unless this person is specifically named on the invitation," says Noonan. "Neither is someone you randomly met on the street or on Tinder. A wedding is a special place and attendance should be reserved for those who are, if not loved by the couple, at least respectful of the momentous occasion."
Overall, Noonan recommends guests avoid bringing someone the couple doesn't know unless they have no other option. "Only bring a plus one if you feel they're worthy of attending and will greatly increase your comfort. Don't just fill a seat for the sake of it and respond within the RSVP deadline with their name and dietaries."
To avoid any unpleasantries on their most special day, couples can inform their guests of their plus one policies on the invitations. "A short and sweet message to say, "The capacity of our venue is limited and hence we kindly request that only those invited attend our wedding. Please check your invitation for details around plus-ones," and then only write "and guest" on the envelopes and invitations of those guests to who you are offering a plus-one to," concludes Noonan.
Most readers supported the groom's decision to kick his mom out of the wedding
A few believed he was at fault for giving his mom a plus one instead of inviting his stepfather
