There are many reasons why some people give their kids away for adoption. But no matter what they are, it’s always hard. After all, that child is a part of them.
Most often, this happens when people cannot provide a good future for their children due to their own circumstances. For example, in this story, the biological parents were mere teens when their son was born, and even though it was extremely hard, they had to give him away. But when 24 years later, he decided to reach out, the culmination was beyond wholesome. Scroll down and read all of it below!
More info: Reddit
No matter how good life in an adopted family might be, people will always seek to learn where they came from
Image credits: Jessica Scalf (not the actual photo)
26 years ago, a 14-year-old girl gave birth to a baby boy. Not being able to take care of him themselves, the teenage parents then made the tough decision of giving their child away for adoption to a lovely family. The only thing the kid had of his biological mother growing up was a letter she wrote him back when she had him and passed on to his adoptive parents.
Our story took place more or less 2 years ago. Now a 24-year-old guy, the OP managed to track her down, working at a small restaurant 2 hours away from his home. He started visiting it a couple of times a week.
This went on for around 3 months. He would come, she would serve him, and they would have an opportunity for some small, warm conversations. But while everything seemed really lovely, the guy felt very hesitant to take that leap of faith and tell her the truth.
People in the comment section of the original post were incredibly supportive, sharing their own stories and offering all kinds of advice on how to approach this situation. Together, they wholeheartedly encouraged the OP to tell her the truth and update everyone on how it went.
The guy tracked down his biological mom and started visiting the restaurant she worked at, but was hesitant to tell her who he is
Image credits: nodinnerinvite
Image credits: Jacob Rank (not the actual photo)
And so, he did it. He went on and told her.
In a later update post, the OP can barely hold the emotions flowing through him. He said that one night, he waited for his mom to close up the restaurant and came to greet her when she was done. Then, the guy pulled out her letter and was ready to give his speech. But words were no longer necessary.
The woman burst into tears. They both did. For a while, they just stood there, crying and hugging in the parking lot. When the initial moment passed, she opened the restaurant back up, and they both went inside to talk. After all, there was a lifetime to catch up on.
When he finally decided to tell her, the evening quickly got very emotional and filled with many joyous tears
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
The woman told him she felt he might be her son but didn’t want to give herself false hope. She asked him a ton of questions about himself, and told him about her life, as well as his biological dad. She revealed that they stayed in contact in case of a situation just like this, and that he would love to meet him too.
They talked for almost 3 hours. Then, they exchanged their phone numbers and agreed to meet again. On the way home, the OP also received a text message from his mom, thanking him for this gift.
The commenters were in tears. But they also had a major itch to find out how the story ends, so they supportively urged the OP to meet his dad and update them on how it went when he finally did.
The woman wanted to know everything about him and was very open about herself, telling the guy that she and his dad, while no longer together, still stayed in contact
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
It took longer than they wanted, but the meeting finally happened. Accompanied by his bio mom, the OP was waiting at the park to meet his dad.
The dad came already crying and bearing gifts. He gave his son a teddy bear with a picture frame of him holding the OP back in the hospital and a journal he started writing after the boy was adopted. The father said that he was in therapy, and this was his way of coping with what happened, as he was hoping to one day give it to him.
The guys talked and bonded, finding plenty of mutual similarities that went beyond their looks. The father then proposed the idea of meeting up with the guy’s adoptive parents, to which the author also expressed interest, although he wasn’t sure how that would go.
The mother and son talked for almost 3 hours before having to part ways, but not before exchanging phone numbers and agreeing to keep in touch
Image credits: nodinnerinvite
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
The doubts were dispelled when, the following day, the OP met up with his parents for breakfast. The guy was terrified that they would take it the wrong way, but he told them all about the meetings, and they couldn’t have been happier for him.
The Redditors were once again in tears. People in the comments were saying all sorts of positive things. Some were suggesting what the OP could give as a gift to his birth parents for when he wants to. Others shared similar stories, said how happy they were about this one, or simply thanked the OP for the post and asked for one more update on how everything went with the meeting between birth and adoptive parents.
While we never do learn how and if that meeting went forward, the OP did make one additional update in the comment section, saying that he keeps meeting his bio mom for lunch and has a meeting planned with his bio dad in the future. Still, we’re almost entirely sure what followed in this story was as sweet as what we enjoyed up to this point.
Some time later, accompanied by his bio mom, the guy also met his bio dad, who couldn't contain his tears when he saw them
Image credits: Joseph Gonzalez (not the actual photo)
But while this story went according to the best possible scenario, that may not always be the case, and even if it is, it can still be very stressful. Therefore, we decided to look into how an adoptee and everyone involved can better prepare themselves for this kind of meeting.
According to People.com, the first step, of course, is finding one another. Since 1976, adoptions in the USA are no longer required to be closed, so it might be enough to reach out to the adoption agency. However, in the case of international adoptions, things can get quite tricky. Regardless, anything is possible, and even if it feels like there’s nothing to grab onto, hiring a private investigator might be a great idea.
When it’s finally clear who precisely the adoptee is looking for, it’s time to open up the conversation. The article recommends doing that through written communication so as not to put the biological parents on the spot. It also says that it’s essential to be patient because you can never know the circumstances of other people.
The dad came bearing heartwarming gifts taken from his past, making the reunion all the more wholesome
Image credits: Kindel Media (not the actual photo)
Moving further, it’s essential to think about expectations. The article suggests that instead of going in with extreme attitudes, like “everything will be perfect” or “they’ll hate me,” it’s best to go in thinking something akin to “I just want to meet this person” and see where it takes you from there.
At the same time, it’s crucial to prepare for complex emotions, whether happy or sad, and not rush into it. Take it step by step, and get them to know them because even though it’s one’s birth family we’re talking about, after all, they’re still strangers, and the parents’ reasons for giving up a child might still be ongoing.
However, the most important things are not to shy away from your family’s and friends' support and keep everyone’s feelings in mind. Most adopted parents raise the child as their own. Therefore, it might be difficult for them too. Bio parents might not want their children fully back in their lives for their own reasons. But if everything is done in an honest, open, and supportive way, anything can be dealt with. And the time spent together, whether short or long, can still be very valuable and beautiful.
When the guys got a little more comfortable together, the bio mom left them alone, so they had a chance to bond more in private
Image credits: nodinnerinvite
The guy was worried that his adoptive parents might take it the wrong way, but after hearing the whole story, they were incredibly supportive
To get an even deeper insight into this topic, Bored Panda reached out to Dr. Elizabeth Donalds, who is a clinical psychologist, focusing her talents and experience on helping other adoptees and their families going through this journey.
Dr. Liz tells us that she herself was adopted in the early 1960s. The family who took her in had already adopted a son prior to her, who, unfortunately, took his own life at only 19 years old. This tragic incident, as well as the questions of whether this was in some way connected to feelings around being different or being adopted, left her restless.
The psychologist explains her motivation by saying: "I did not have anyone to talk to about his death, or my own questions about being adopted. I eventually decided to pursue my masters and then my doctorate to help children and families created through adoption and I spent my years researching and writing about adoption and its impact."
Through her research, Dr. Liz discovered that many adoptees feel similarly as they are afraid of upsetting their adoptive parents and have no one else to talk to. "Adoptees are often told how lucky they are, and they should be grateful. What most people don’t understand is the grief and loss that can be the beginning of an adoption."
Image credits: Gustavo Fring (not the actual photo)
One of Elizabeth Donald's proudest works is a children's series that she's currently writing, focusing on these exact topics and concerns to help children and their adoptive parents begin these difficult conversations and help them understand that they're not alone in this. "The first story, Emily’s Big Question, is about a young girl who wonders what a 'real mother' is. The next stories approach transracial adoption from the child’s perspective."
When asked about the importance for adoptees of getting to know their biological parents, the psychologist answered that it's a very individual decision. After all, everyone is different, so while some may feel that it's very important to them, others might have no interest in it at all.
However, according to her, many adoptees do prefer to know their own history. "Sometimes the meetings can feel like connecting to something very powerful, a heritage that is their own. Some wonder if they look like anyone in their family?" tells Dr. Liz.
She also adds that another important part is knowing the family's medical information, as knowledge of genetic diseases running in the family can quite literally save one's life. Still, in the end, there can be endless reasons to or not to do it. "One question for someone who is not adopted to consider is this: How would you feel, if you did not know anyone else on the planet who was biologically related to you? Would you want to find your family?"
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
If the adoptees really do feel like reconnecting, Dr. Liz says she's all for it. But at the same time, she advises to have support around the reunion, as, seconding what our research told us, some biological parents may not want to meet, and a rejection for a second time can be truly hurtful. "Reunions can be a wonderful way to not only reconnect, but to develop a deeper understanding of the self. Having the support of an adoption-competent therapist can be valuable."
The psychologist continues by saying that when reaching out, it's important to do it in a way that is safe to all individuals. "Perhaps the biological parents never told anyone about their child, how will it impact their families today? I encourage adoptees that search to be mindful of their own feelings and experiences," says Dr. Liz.
She also notes that giving a child up for adoption is usually a difficult decision, so it's crucial to be patient as parents may need more time to be able to meet. "Many birth mothers, birth fathers may have shut this moment away as a way to protect themselves. It may have been so painful that they have not been able to discuss the experience with anyone and it may have been a secret from family and friends for many years."
As hockey Hall of Famer Wayne Gretzky once said: “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” This is as true in sports as much as when we talk about reunions and anything else. These meetings can be beautiful, just like the story we enjoyed here, and they can be devastating, like the countless other stories we haven’t heard. We can never be sure of the future’s outcome, but, in the end, life is a game that should be played. And to succeed, it's wise to be mindful.
So, what do you think? How did this story make you feel? Do you have something of your own that you’d like to share? Drop down to the comments and type away!