It seems that previously children could really relate to each other when they would talk about their families, as it seemed that many of them were pretty similar, as if the parents learnt their way of raising kids from the same manual.
Now, with the internet and other resources at their hands, parents do their research and choose from a variety of parenting styles that they think their child will benefit the most from. They differ from one another so much that even the things that we thought were universal are now challenged.
This one mom on TikTok, for example, allows her daughter to cuss at home. There is an association that only bad and troublesome kids cuss, but the mom claims that she never has issues with her daughter misbehaving.
More info: TikTok
Mom shares a funny clip of her daughter and it turns into a lesson about children swearing
Image credits: @abbeyfickley
This mom on TikTok is Abbey Fickley, who got sober 5 years ago and is stronger than ever, working at a bar and living her best life with her 7-year-old daughter Myla and two dogs. On TikTok, the woman has over 300k followers as she shares a lot of moments with her child.
Not too long ago, one of her videos featuring Myla went viral with more than 500k views and it showed the girl pretending to be upset over a mismatched pair of socks. Her reaction to this was “This is some Wacky Wednesday kind of s***, mom,” referring to the child’s book by Dr. Seuss.
In said video, a 7-year-old uses a swear word wanting to be funny and the mom doesn't try to stop the girl
Image credits: @abbeyfickley
You have to admit that Myla’s sass and sense of humor are unmatched, but people couldn’t help but notice that the 7-year-old just cussed and the mom didn’t say anything about it, which led people to assume that the girl is allowed to do that.
And she is. Abbey posted another video the same day talking about this aspect of her parenting, confirming that Myla was taught that she can use swear words at home. They are actually referred to as ‘home words’ and they are considered a privilege.
Image credits: @abbeyfickley
If Myla was to use them to be mean, to offend someone or talk badly about herself, this privilege would be revoked. But in the two years that Abbey has allowed Myla to swear at home, she has never had any issues.
Not only does she not have issues at home, but Myla is a kind and polite girl at school with her teachers and classmates, and she is doing well academically.
In a later video, the mom explains that she allows her daughter to swear at home and calls those words 'home words,' meaning they can't be used in public
Image credits: @abbeyfickley
It was always important for Abbey to be a mom that her child can trust and come to when she has something heavy on her chest that she could tell her, as she never had that for herself growing up.
Allowing her to swear at home is one of the ways that Abbey creates that safe space, because the girl will hear the swears sooner or later from other kids, adults or find them on the internet and will start using them.
Healthy Children claims that “Swearing–the use of profanity or 'dirty' words–is almost a developmentally normal behavior for children during middle childhood and early adolescence.”
The woman also doesn't allow her daughter to be mean to others or herself using those words
Image credits: @abbeyfickley
The most important thing to know in this situation is the reason behind the cussing. Very Well Family explains that “A 5-year-old repeating a word that they heard on the bus is very different from a 15-year-old swearing at a teacher.” And in that video, we can see that Myla is just trying to be funny and her swear isn’t meant to offend anyone.
Raising Children Network gives a few reasons for why children might swear: “Young children often swear because they’re exploring language. They might be testing a new word, perhaps to understand its meaning. <...> Children might also be trying to express a feeling like frustration. Or they might simply be saying the word because it sounds funny or gets a reaction. Children might also be imitating others when they swear.”
In the two years of this practice, the mom has never had any problems and her daughter is always kind with her classmates and teachers
Image credits: @abbeyfickley
It is also important to teach children that there are certain social norms to follow in public and swearing might get them in trouble. Dr. Eugene Beresin has witnessed people losing jobs “because of social gaffes and conduct.”
It shouldn’t be hard to do that as Dr. Beresin gives an example of kids knowing that they can’t go to school without their pants on, and the same understanding extends to swearing.
The purpose of allowing swears is the mom's wish to make her daughter feel like her home is a safe space and her mom is always on her side
Image credits: @abbeyfickley
Despite how positively everyone reacted in the comments of Abbey’s videos, most experts recommend explaining to children why swearing is bad and discouraging them from doing it.
Sean Grover, LCSW suggests not allowing elementary and middle-aged children to swear at home because “For young children, behaviors at home become imprints for behaviors in the world. Small children are not able to distinguish what’s appropriate in different environments.”
The psychotherapist is of the opinion that only children who are already in high school can be allowed to swear at home, but without degrading anyone else.
You can find the video of Myla pretending to be angry and swearing down below
What is your opinion about children swearing? Would you allow your children to swear at home? Do you think swearing has a negative impact on their behavior? Do you think Abbey’s method can work on all children? Let us know in the comments.
People actually approved of this parenting style and believed that there is no harm in swear words if no harm is meant
