Being a single parent means juggling multiple roles, from provider to nurturer, and while mother and Reddit user Perfect_Phone9777 has been raising not one, but three kids, she's been providing them everything they need.
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However, when the girls, who are triplets, approached their 16th birthday, they wanted to do something special, individually. The mom broke down the numbers and their needs amounted to $4,000 — a sum she just didn't have.
After the family failed to find a compromise, the woman made a post on the 'Am I the [Jerk]?' subreddit, explaining the situation and asking its members to share their take on it.
For many, a sweet sixteen is not just a birthday party, it's also a coming-of-age celebration
Image credits: Gabe Pierce (not the actual photo)
But this parent just couldn't pay for what her triplet daughters wanted
Image credits: Liza Pooor (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Perfect_Phone9777
Vicki Broadbent of Honest Mum says that parents and carers need to manage children's expectations during their birthdays and focus on experiences
Image credits: Honest Mum
In order to find out more about throwing kids birthday parties, we got in touch with our parenting expert Vicki Broadbent. The mom of three is a multi-award-winning TV director and broadcaster, as well as the founder of the acclaimed family blog Honest Mum.
"Managing children's expectations and focusing on experiences during their birthday has become increasingly harder due to social media and peer pressure, but you must follow what is right financially for you as a family," Broadbent, who can also be found on Instagram as @honestmum, told Bored Panda.
"[In our household], we always prioritized more intimate celebrations when our children were younger, so family and close friends were invited to birthday gatherings at home where the focal point was more on celebrating the day with homecooked food and games, rather than lavish celebrations and hundreds of gifts."
Broadbent, the author of Mumboss (UK) and The Working Mom (US and Canada), still fondly remembers her own mom making her birthday parties special when she was little, baking a cake and putting on a wonderful feast for her and her friends in their home. "Children remember feelings over gifts, which are quickly forgotten. I think reinforcing your own values to your children from an early age is key. Of course, saving up and having bigger parties is lovely if they can be afforded too, but they shouldn't cause financial strain or be expected as the norm."
The girls need to take into account that every dollar matters when you're on a tight budget
The fact that the author of the post can put away over a thousand bucks for her kids' birthday is quite remarkable.
Research by LendingTree shows that raising a child from birth to age 18 now costs Americans an average of $237,482. And as with other major household spending categories, like health care and college, the tab for bringing up kids is surging — the average annual cost of child-rearing stood at $21,681 in 2021, up almost 20% from 2016.
Those figures encompass only what researchers described as the "bare bones," including money for food, housing, child care, apparel, transportation, and health insurance, as well as the impact of tax benefits such as the Child Tax Credit.
They don't include enrichment activities such as sports, after-school classes, and the like, let alone the soaring cost of attending college, which could single-handedly double the total sum, depending on where someone lives and what type of school their child attends.
While the teens continue to expect lavish birthday parties, they probably aren't aware of just how scrupulous their mom needs to be in today's economy.
"Most people's financial margin for error is pretty tiny, and a few hundred dollars here and there can be really significant when you are on a tight budget," Matt Schulz, LendingTree chief credit analyst, told CBS MoneyWatch.
Birthday parties can therefore be used as a teaching opportunity. "Giving teens or even tweens a budget for the occasion is brilliant," Vicki Broadbent of Honest Mum said. "It's teaching children financial literacy and organizational skills as well as demonstrating that you trust them to manage a budget. A joint effort works too. The amount of responsibility is determined by the individual child's maturity and ability."
Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)
As her story went viral, the mother provided more information in the comments
Where people expressed their support for her
