You can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your family. When you get married, you’re not just gaining a spouse, you’re getting their whole family in the deal. That includes a mother-in-law who might rub you the wrong way.
One woman’s mother-in-law is particularly toxic, going so far as to tell her son he should get a divorce because of his wife’s fertility issues. Deeply disturbed by her parental opinion, he’s since sent his mom packing but now wonders if that was a jerk move.
More info: Reddit
Mothers-in-law have a bad reputation, as this guy’s mom proved with her outlandish request
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The guy and his wife had been trying to have a baby for years and recently started IVF treatment
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
His mom walked in on him giving his wife her IVF injection and proclaimed it was against God’s will
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
She then went so far as to tell her son to divorce his wife and find someone who could give him a baby the way God intended
Image credits: Icy-Fig2286
The guy immediately told her to pack her stuff and find another place to live, but now his family is furious at him and he’s wondering if telling his mom to get lost was a jerk move
OP begins his story by telling the community that he and his wife have been together for 13 years and married for 5. He adds that his mother has been staying with the couple for the last 4 months because she’s currently separated from OP’s dad and will probably be getting divorced.
He goes on to say that he and his wife have been trying to have a baby for the last 4 years and have recently started IVF. One of the necessary medications for this is an injection, which OP gives his wife.
Well, OP’s mom is one of those people who doesn't believe in IVF and, after walking in on her son giving her daughter-in-law her injection, muttered that it’s against God’s will.
OP immediately pulled her out of the room and told her she needed to quit giving her unwanted opinion. That’s when she had the audacity to tell him he should divorce his wife and find someone who could give him a baby the way God intended.
Now at the end of his rope, OP told her to get her stuff, get out, and go stay at her husband or his sister’s place.
His mom kicked up a teary fuss, telling OP she was just trying to do what was best for him, but he remained unmoved. Now his sister’s telling him he’s a [jerk], so he turned to the web to find out whether that’s true.
What is it about mothers-in-law that makes them think they always know what’s best for their children? Whether they’re on your wife's or husband’s side, they just seem to have a knack for acting entitled or downright toxic, even if you’re an adult quite capable of making your own choices and decisions.
Image credits: Nicola Barts / Pexels (not the actual photo)
In her article for Choosing Therapy, Tricia Johnson writes that toxic people typically use subtle methods of control and manipulation in relationships, and, with mothers-in-law, this toxicity might or might not be apparent to others—particularly their own children. This form of behavior can be deeply negative and invalidating, resulting in issues like anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem.
According to Johnson, with toxic mothers-in-law, they usually display a repeating pattern of negativity toward other family members, such as manipulation, control, or abusive behavior. The mother-in-law’s actions can be intentional but could also be rooted in behaviors learned from her own family of origin.
Johnson lists 12 signs of a toxic mother-in-law, some of which include not respecting boundaries, always thinking she’s right, being passive-aggressive, gossiping, being impossible to please, and causing you to doubt yourself.
In her article for Marriage.com, Anne Duvaux suggests 11 ways to deal with a toxic mother-in-law, including keeping yourself emotionally distant, avoiding triggering her, avoiding self-judgment, remaining true to yourself, and allowing your partner to step in.
While you may never be able to change your mother-in-law, at least you can control how you respond to her actions, however toxic they may be. OP has proven he certainly won’t tolerate her belligerent behavior even if she is his mom.
What would you have done if you’d found yourself in OP’s shoes? Do you think his mom was out of line or did he pull a jerk move? Let us know your opinion in the comments!
In the comments, readers swiftly concluded that the guy wasn’t the jerk in the situation and that his mom had no right to criticize the couple’s personal choices
