As kids, the world can be too overwhelming to handle. That’s why we have parents! They take care of us, teach us how to be good humans, and most importantly, love us like nobody else ever can. And they are always there for us when we need them. So, we can rely on our mom and dad for almost everything.
But that’s not true in all families. Just like this Redditor’s family where her dad was always involved in looking after her and her sister, while the mom didn’t want kids. Hence, she only provided for them financially. The daughters were hurt by this as they grew up, and stopped celebrating Mother’s Day. But the mom didn’t like it and got mad when they called her out.
More info: Reddit
Woman and her sister were raised by their stay-at-home dad who did 95% of the emotional labor, while their mother only provided for them financially
Image credits: Anna Shvets (not the actual photo)
She would attend a ballet recital or two, but that was all, and this really hurt the poster and her sister as they wanted an emotionally available mom over a financial provider
Image credits: u/Silver_Actuator7640
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)
The father always pulled off grand gestures for Mother's Day and spoiled her but the gestures were never reciprocated for Father's Day
Image credits: u/Silver_Actuator7640
Image credits: Tim Mossholder (not the actual photo)
After growing up, the sisters planned BBQ parties for Father's Day, but low-key lunches for Mother's Day, and even that stopped after mom bailed on the sister's baby shower
Image credits: u/Silver_Actuator7640
When mom pointed out this unequal celebration, they called her out for being emotionally unavailable to them, but the woman got angry
What happens in this article is that Reddit user Silver_Actuator7640 tells us why the family doesn't celebrate Mother’s Day for their mom. So, the story began when a couple got married and while the man wanted to have kids, the woman wanted to focus on her career. They reached an arrangement where the mom would provide financially while the dad would look after their kids. This was the woman’s idea. And that’s how it went: the stay-at-home dad raised the kids, while the mom would fund their life and show up for a ballet recital or two, nothing more.
And these, folks, are the parents of our narrator. She expressed how hurt she and her sister were to have a mother who was never emotionally present for them even when their dad was the perfect father to them. And he always celebrated Mother’s Day with grandiose gestures, completely spoiling the mother and making a big deal out of it. But it was never reciprocated for Father’s Day by the mom. And when the kids asked their dad about it, he sadly replied, “Father’s Day isn’t as important as Mother’s Day.” How heartbreaking is that?
When the daughters grew up, they tried to make up for it all by planning grand celebrations for Father’s Day. It included throwing huge BBQ parties and inviting other family members, too. And the dad really enjoyed it. Meanwhile, they tuned down Mother’s Day celebrations to just low-key lunches and a few gifts. But one day that stopped too. When the original poster’s (OP) sister had a baby shower, the mom bailed as “she didn’t see the big deal with someone having a baby”. The sister must’ve felt wounded by this because she didn’t feel like doing anything for her mom.
So, when Mother’s Day came, they just sent a few gifts to their mom and celebrated it with their own families. But after Father’s Day, the mother realized that she was not being celebrated as much as the father and told the narrator so, to which she retorted that they didn’t want to as she never put any emotional labor into them. The mother told them about the agreement before having kids but OP smartly pointed out that they didn’t agree with the arrangement as they didn’t want to grow up with an emotionally unavailable mother.
Their mom was mad about this and called the daughters “ungrateful brats”. And although the dad felt bad for her, he agreed with the sisters about not celebrating Mother’s Day for a woman who didn’t want to be a mom in the first place. He also said that the arrangement was unfair to them. And it really was, wasn’t it?
Image credits: Craig Adderley (not the actual photo)
When OP asked Redditors if she was wrong for her behavior, they all said that she wasn’t, as growing up with an emotionally unavailable mother could be tough on kids. Trust Mental Health states, “Daughters of emotionally unavailable mothers can experience a range of emotional and psychological challenges. These can include anxiety, depression, self-doubt, and insecurity.”
Even netizens pointed out that an emotionally unavailable parent can cause childhood trauma to any kid. “When one parent is emotionally and physically involved with the children while the other primarily provides financial support, it can impact the children by creating disparities in attachment, self-esteem, and emotional development,” said Trupti Bobade, a psychologist at The Secret Ingredient, whom Bored Panda reached out to.
She also narrated a beautiful example to express the situation. She said, “Imagine a playground where one parent plays alongside the children every day, pushing swings, playing tag, and cheering them on. This parent's presence brings joy, security, and a sense of connection. In contrast, the other parent provides all the playground equipment and toys but rarely joins in the play.”
“While the toys are appreciated, the children may feel a sense of longing for the shared experiences and emotional connection that playing together brings. For children to feel truly supported and valued, they need both types of involvement—active play and emotional connection along with material support. This dual support system helps children feel secure, loved, and emotionally fulfilled as they navigate their childhood experiences.”
What an incredible way to put things, isn’t it? And it really makes us feel for the poster. The sisters must have had a challenging childhood with an emotionally unavailable mother. Folks online also applauded the sisters for standing up to her, while they cheered the dad for all that he did for his daughters.
Trupti also mentioned, “At an early age, children rely on caregivers, especially mothers, for emotional validation and support, which lays the foundation for self-esteem and healthy relationships. When this foundational support is lacking, individuals may experience difficulties in trusting others, managing emotions effectively, and forming secure attachments. Such experiences can contribute to feelings of inadequacy or unworthiness.”
It just gets more and more sad as we understand the psychology behind the situation, doesn’t it? But honestly, kudos to the sisters for being where they are today. It takes a lot of courage to go through something like this and still be good to that person. As OP mentioned in the comments, they tried to reconcile with the mom but she just wasn’t interested. It just shows how good the sisters really are, and this fact was also highlighted by the Redditors.
What are your thoughts about the whole situation? Have you (or anyone you know) been through a similar situation? Don’t hesitate to express yourself in the comments.
The Redditors expressed their sympathies to the poster about how they felt sorry for her but called out her mom for wanting things both ways
