It's no secret that separating from parents is a rather painful, yet incredibly important, process, without which, as many experts claim, a person cannot fully grow up. However, as it turns out, separating from adult children is no less important.
Today, we present to you a story from the user u/AnalogWeekend_01, who and his fiancée had just bought a wonderful, cozy house and were beginning to plan a peaceful, happy life together, when suddenly his toxic mother tried to intrude. Okay, let's just cut to the chase now.
More info: Reddit
Separation from parents is sometimes quite a painful process for adult children, but the opposite process is actually no less difficult
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author of the post is 30 years old, he recently bought a cozy house for himself and his fiancée, but then his mom came into the picture
Image credits: shurkin_son / Freepik (not the actual photo)
This lady is quite a toxic person, and she recently got divorced from the author's stepfather, so she wanted to move in with the son and future daughter-in-law, "for a little while"
Image credits: ufabizphoto / Freepik (not the actual photo)
However, the author has an unpleasant experience of sharing the roof with his mom from the past, so he said a flat-out "No"
Image credits: AnalogWeekend_01
So now the mom is trying to emotionally blackmail the author, willing to get what she wants, by hook or by crook
The Original poster (OP) says he is 30 years old, and his fiancée is a year younger. The couple recently bought a cozy house, but before they could enjoy the joys of their new homeownership life, fate forcefully intervened in their idyll. Fate, as portrayed by our hero's 56-year-old mom, who had just completed quite a painful divorce from his stepfather.
And then, just recently, the mother got in touch with the original poster and announced that she would "stay with them for a little while." The son had never heard of this idea before, but the mom spoke of it as if it had been a long-agreed-upon fact. However, an unpleasant surprise awaited her - the man flat-out said "No" to her attempt to move in with them.
The thing is, the author already has quite an unpleasant experience with similar situations. Eight years ago, the mom, after breaking up with her then-boyfriend, also asked to come over "for two weeks." Then it turned out to be four months, and those months became a true nightmare for the author and his girlfriend, as the mom used her entire arsenal of toxicity and manipulation on them.
This woman attempted emotional blackmail this time as well, accusing the author of filial ingratitude at least. Being a very religious person, she interspersed her reproaches with biblical quotations - but this time, our hero, having learned from past experience, didn't succumb to the provocation. And now the man decided to ask for advice online - what should he do?
Image credits: SkelDry / Freepik (not the actual photo)
"Situations where parents resort to emotional blackmail of adult children, trying to make them feel guilty just to achieve their goals, are, alas, common nowadays," says Maria Kryvosheeva, a psychologist and NLP coach, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment here. "In fact, this isn't about helping parents, but rather about emotional 'recharge.'"
According to the expert, the author's mother most likely wants to restore her emotional well-being after a difficult divorce, and for people of this type (and the son's story provides enough information to form a fairly detailed impression), the best way to do this is to make the lives of others a nightmare.
"Luckily, this man has already learned the hard way from living under the same roof with his mother, and one can only hope he doesn't succumb to her manipulations. Now, apparently, she's found a weak spot in his defense in his fiancée - and is trying to attack this spot by all means. The main thing now is not to give in and defend their personal boundaries," Maria claims.
People in the comments also noted that our hero is absolutely right in this case, and that a healthy adult at 56 is rather capable of fully taking care of herself without resorting to various ugly emotional tricks. "Help her through, but remember you're two young people with your whole life ahead of you," someone wisely wrote. "She needs to be responsible for herself." So do you, our readers, also agree with this?
Most people in the comments unanimously sided with the man, urging him to stand his ground and not give in under any circumstances
