"My Daughter Finally Punched The Bully In The Face": Mom Praises Her Child For Standing Up For Herself, Calls Out School's Reaction

The classic suggestion many parents have if their kid gets bullied is to tell a teacher or other authority figure. Way too often the bully just goes unpunished and feels free to continue harassing someone. So children might end up feeling like they have to take matters into their own hands, literally, and strike back.

A mother named Bianca Austin shared a story about her daughter standing up to a bully by punching her in the face, which got a divisive reaction on Twitter. Some users agreed with her approach while others felt it was excessive and taught the wrong lesson.

Bullying often happens when there is a perceived power disbalance between the parties. While it can be comforting to know that most bullies won’t “pick on someone their own size,” this doesn’t actually help those suffering from harassment and abuse. Bullies also rely on the victim being afraid to speak up, due to social stigma around ‘snitching,’ or the knowledge that at most the authorities will issue some sort of meaningless punishment. As in the story the mother shared on Twitter, often the victim doesn’t actually know that they are just as powerful as the bully. Abusers rely on low self-esteem to prevent the victims from standing up for themselves. This is a vicious cycle, where low self-esteem prevents the bullied kid from helping themselves, leading to more bullying and lower self-esteem.

The US Department of Health actually argues that in most cases, bullying is the interplay of three parties, the bully, the victim, and the people around them that either enable or prevent abuse. Bystanders have a large influence on the prevalence of bullying. Schools where students had a lower opinion of bullies had fewer instances of bullying since bullies risked social exclusion. While most guidelines suggest that retaliation is not the answer, studies of bullies themselves indicate that perpetrators actually see standing up for themselves as an effective strategy. After all, bullies will target those they think are weak, prove them wrong and they will run away.

Contrary to popular belief, girls actually prefer an assertive response to being bullied over boys, which might explain why the girl in the story chose to punch her bully right in the face. It’s important to note that assertiveness isn’t just physical violence, but calling out bullies and seeking allies instead of just suffering in silence. Since girls tend to develop prosocial skills earlier, they are more likely to employ them to solve problems. Boys sometimes overestimate how strong their bully actually is and fear retaliation. But setting all this aside, adults also have a lot of responsibility, as we can’t exactly expect kids to solve all their issues themselves. When adults disregard reports of bullying or don’t take steps to prevent it in the future, they are actively enabling abusers. Studies show that effective monitoring and reporting practices all help reduce instances of bullying.

This seems like it should be common sense, yet many authority figures fail the children being bullied. Many schools fail to act on evidence provided by witnesses of bullying. Peer intervention is the number one most effective method to limit abuse, but most institutions will only accept that bullying is actually happening if the primary victim provides evidence. Teachers are often poorly trained to spot bullying and are given no resources and skills to deal with it. So they will just turn a blind eye to what is happening, deepening the distrust between adults and children. In this story, it seems the child was let down by a school unwilling to actually intervene, so they solved the issue with the one remaining tool they had. Some comments decried the use of violence, but it does seem to have been a last resort.