A big part of teaching kids to socialize is for them to learn how to share. Whether it's toys or food, kids need to know they can't always have everything for themselves. Sharing is caring, after all, right? But what about sharing things that they've won fair and square? Should they learn to give those up as well?
One mom shared her dilemma about whether she was right not to make her son share his raffle toy prize. She claims other parents started pressuring her and the boy to give the prize to another boy who didn't win anything. The mother initially refused, but after her husband started wondering whether they should've encouraged the boy to give his prize away, she started doubting her decision as well. So she decided to ask the Internet's opinion.
Bored Panda reached out to parenting coach Megan Thompson. She was kind enough to weigh in on the situation, telling us whether the mom's decision was the right one. Read our interview with her below!
Kids love raffles, parties, and any other event where they can get free toys
Image credits: Wavebreakmedia / Envato (not the actual photo)
Yet, when one kid won two prizes, his mom felt pressured to make him give one of the toys to another child
Image credits: peakpx (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ButterscotchNaive801
Parenting coach Megan Thompson says she would've let the child decide for himself as well
The situation the OP describes in her post isn't anything unheard of. We all know kids don't particularly like to share their stuff. Parenting coach Megan Thompson tells Bored Panda that they're similar to adults in that regard. "Most adults are not great at sharing either. We just get better at appearing we do," she says.
"If someone gifted an adult two brand new cars, do you think their immediate reaction would be to look at their neighbor's old car and think, 'I really think they could use the other car more than my family,' and give it to them straight away?" Probably not.
"That's what it would feel like for a child to be given two new toys and be told to give the other one away." She says that whether this could've been a teaching moment really depends on the child's age. As the mother mentioned her kids are both old enough not to throw tantrums when they don't get a prize, it seems they might be old enough to make a decision themselves.
"I would make it the child's choice to share the other toy," she somewhat agrees with the OP's decision. "I'd first have a chat with my child and let them think about it. Let them try on how it feels. Don't let other parents pressure you – it's an opportunity to learn and grow," Thompson notes.
She says that this is perhaps a bigger learning experience for the child who didn't get the toy car. She has some advice for the parents of the other kid: "If the other child doesn't share with them, coach them through how that feels. Don't fix it or promise to make it up to them. Your child may be more generous to others the next time they are given an abundance."
She argues that the kid who didn't win anything actually got the better end of the stick in the long term. "Your kid is going to grow and learn from disappointment in this situation – in fact, I'd argue [that] while they may have lost the prize, they really won. Kids have to flex their disappointment like a muscle and build resilience. It's one of the greatest gifts we can give them. We can empathize and coach them through it," Thompson explains.
Parental peer pressure might be hard to deal with, but parents should stick to their guns
In the situation that the mother describes, it seems that the main problem here stems from the opinions of other adults. The mother felt quite firm in her decision to let her son choose whether to give up the toy car until other parents and her husband prompted her to doubt it.
VeryWell Family writes that parents should be confident in themselves and their decisions: "Count all the things you are doing right as a parent and trust yourself." When other parents are giving advice, more often than not, they're coming from a good place. The best reaction is to politely let them know you've already made up your mind.
Of course, it's healthy to consider suggestions from others. When choosing to stick to your guns, think about:
- Do you think your parenting decision is what's best for your child?
- Do you have any scientific evidence supporting your decision?
- Might what you're doing be harmful or dangerous to your child?
After considering these questions, make a decision that suits your values and parenting strategy. After all, when children see their parents not sway from peer pressure, it sets an example in their minds. They should be able to handle pressure from their peers better if they see their parents being firm with their beliefs.
The majority of people agreed that the kid should keep what he won fair and square
But some thought the mother should've intervened
