Plenty of kids around the world grow up dreaming about being a famous singer. I used to sit my relatives down on holidays and force them to listen while I sang Christmas songs or whatever I was in the mood to perform that day. I constantly sang in the shower, and I fantasized about selling out an arena one day.
Once I became a teenager, however, I was able to pull my head down from the clouds and realize that those dreams weren’t very realistic for me. But what should parents do when their kids cling onto unattainable dreams? Below, you’ll find a story that a mother shared on the “Am I the Jerk?” subreddit detailing how she hurt her daughter’s feelings by giving her a reality check, as well as a conversation with Amy Morrison, founder of Pregnant Chicken.
This woman’s teenage daughter has big dreams of becoming a famous singer
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But now she’s wondering if she was wrong for giving her teen a stark reality check
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"It's not your job to crush a kid's dream even if you think it's not going to happen – the world will happily do it for them"
To learn more about how parents should handle situations like this, we reached out to Amy Morrison, parenting expert and founder of Pregnant Chicken. When it comes to whether or not parents should be honest with their kids, Amy says, "I feel like our job is to be honest and supportive. I don't think you should lie and tell your child that they are a songbird, but talent and skill can often be subjective (Who are we to say someone has a great voice or not?), so in a way, your opinion is just a single point of view."
And if a parent wants to gently explain to their little one that they're not the best singer in the world, Amy told Bored Panda, "It's not your job to crush a kid's dream even if you think it's not going to happen – the world will happily do it for them. Let them explore their passions (safely and responsibly) and set clear boundaries that both of you are comfortable with."
"If they keep up their grades, are you okay with driving them to basketball practice? If they pay for their own singing lessons, will you help them with their job applications? Who is to say they won't find their true passion that pairs with their skill while they pursue this dream? Maybe they go into sports medicine or become a songwriter? They are the only ones who can figure this out, and the more you get in their way, the more resentment will build and the less likely they will be to figure out their true calling," the expert continued.
Amy also believes that entering a singing competition might actually be a good idea for the teen in this story. "Good or bad, this will be a great learning experience for her, and who knows what kind of opportunity it will open up for her. It sounds like this teen is driven and tenacious which which are both great skills to have in life."
Parents can support their children by helping them set attainable goals
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"Finding that balance between being honest and staying supportive is a hard balance to strike as a parent," Amy added. "You want to protect them from the harsh world out there, but you also want your kids to be able to thrive in it. Whether the mom has to say, 'I'm sorry you didn't make it. I know you worked hard to prepare for that.' or 'Wow! Congratulations on making it in.' the burden of deciding whether your child has talent or not is thankfully not hers to make."
Most of us are told to have big dreams when we’re young. Children are encouraged to dream of being a movie star, the president or a professional athlete when asked what they want to be when they grow up. And it’s nice to be told that the world is your oyster and that your possibilities are endless. But then one day, we’re suddenly expected to realize that that wasn’t actually true.
According to psychologist Emma Kenny, there might be better messages that we can tell our children than that they can do anything they want. “You want to create a realistic expectation and anticipation of the world without making them feel limited,” Kenny told CNBC. “The reality is, knowing your limits to some degree isn’t about tempering your dreams. It’s about helping you concentrate on the areas and elements that make a difference to your life positively,” she added.
But that doesn’t mean that we need to be harsh with our children and outright squash their dreams either. Even if you know your child isn’t talented enough to win The Voice or perform in Eurovision, singing is something that we can all do, just for fun! You might sing in the shower, in the car, at karaoke night, and there’s no need to feel self-conscious in those environments.
It’s important for kids to experience failure and learn how to grow from it
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In this particular situation, the mother wants to spare her daughter the potential embarrassment of being told she’s not a good singer publicly. And while it’s natural for parents to want to protect their kids, it can actually be important for children to experience some adversity from time to time. According to CNN Health, failure is a great tool for kids because it teaches them emotional strength.
If we go through life without ever experiencing a setback, the first time we do will be devastating. But if we learn how to problem solve and brush ourselves off after experiencing failures at a young age, we’ll be much more resilient later in life. Bright Horizons also recommends that parents let their kids fail, as “coping skills are like muscles; we don’t know how strong they truly are until we need to use them.”
Failure can be heartbreaking, jarring and extremely painful for both the kids experiencing it and their parents watching them go through it. But moms and dads can’t protect their kids from life forever. As long as they’re there to hug them and provide support after the fact, they’re still doing a great job. We would love to hear your thoughts on this story in the comments below, pandas, and then you can check out another Bored Panda article discussing parenting conflicts.
Many readers took the mother's side, and she joined in on the conversation to provide more info
Readers continued assuring the mother that she had done nothing wrong
