Parenthood is one of the biggest challenges that life has to offer, but it’s also one of the most rewarding ones as well. Without romanticizing it, developing an extremely close-knit relationship with another human being is something magical, to say the least. But on to the topic at hand.
A mother recently shared a heartwarming moment she had while talking to her son, who was upset, calming him down, and letting him know just how much he is loved, which in turn melted the internet’s heart.
Parenting is hard, but it isn't impossible, and this mom showed how to do it right
Image credits: theycallmemamabennett
Destiny Bennett, a mother of 3 from Las Vegas, NV with whom Bored Panda got in touch, has as of this article three days ago shared a video of her absolutely heartwarming talk with her upset 5-year-old son named Cash, who, as she explained, struggles with controlling his emotions and expressing feelings.
The little boy was experiencing a lot of anger that morning, so Bennett decided to confront it with a little heart-to-heart. Much to her surprise, the moment was caught on Bennett’s door cam—we tend to forget we have those until something out of the ordinary happens literally right at our doorstep.
"My son is a very emotional child, the most emotional of all three of my sons. He gets very angry and can sometimes drag out his anger because he dwells on it, which causes him to get angrier and stay angry," explained Bennett.
"On this day, he had gotten in an argument over LEGOs with his older brother. His brother claimed a 'special' LEGO that he wanted and he was upset about it. His anger progressed over the course of half an hour and none of my usual calming techniques were working that I use to help him regulate his emotions, so I suggested we take a walk to help him reset. On our way out of the door, he threw a toy on the floor and slammed the door, which immediately frustrated me. This is what led to the moment seen on the video."
Destiny Bennett's 5 Y.O. son was angry, so she decided to defuse it with a heart-to-heart full of love
Image credits: theycallmemamabennett
“I love you very much. Do you know how much I love you? You don't know how much? I love you more than this much. [extends arms],” said Bennett in her now viral video. “I can see how angry you are. And I want you to feel better. I want you to love you enough to see how angry you are and want to feel better. Okay?”
“Sometimes feeling better is getting the things that we want, but sometimes we can't get the things we want. And it's okay to be angry. But then we have to be able to let it go and understand that we're not going to get it and we have to find another way to make our body feel better. I need you to love you. Okay? I love you. [They hug]. Let's have a good day today, okay?”
The mom reassured her son that he is loved, and explained that it is OK to feel angry—it’s OK to feel that way when we don’t get something, and we need to let it go, find other ways to understand and move on.
The whole thing was caught on Bennett's door cam and later posted on TikTok
Image credits: theycallmemamabennett
"We have talks all the time and while I don't always recommend long talks or over-explaining when a child is angry, I think that the fact that we have strong communication is what made this moment normal and comprehensible to him even in that moment," elaborated Bennett. "I have been affirming to my kids how much I love them and how amazing and capable they are since they were babies."
"I always tell him before he goes to sleep, 'I love you soooo much, do you know how amazing you are?'. I also always ask him questions like, 'Who has control over your body? Who has control over your words?' and he responds with 'me'. And I definitely think that those constant reminders and moments of connection are what allow him to internalize it and respond in moments of anger or frustration."
It instantly went viral, getting 4.4M views with another million hearts
Image credits: theycallmemamabennett
We asked Bennett to elaborate on what should parents focus on when calming down their kids, what phrases or concepts to use in particular, and she said this:
"I think that when a child is upset, the most important thing to verbalize is 'I love you, I understand you, and I'm here'. We don't always have to get into depth and we don't have to break boundaries for our children to begin to comprehend that we love them and support them, even when they're behavior is undesirable. My main focuses are always just making sure I tell them I love them, acknowledging and validating their feelings and letting them know I'm here to help, or for my younger ones, offering some ways I can help."
You can check out the minute-long video in full below
Now, the door cam provides enough information to understand what is going on and how things unravel, but we asked Bennett to give us more details on the specific verbal and non-verbal cues that parents ought to look out for or assume themselves:
"One thing I feel is important is that I allow my child to see me calm down (if I'm getting flustered in the moment), I either let them see me take a deep breath or I ask them for a moment to go calm down in another area before we continue. I do this to try and model the behavior I want to see in them when they're upset, and so they can feel comfortable knowing that I'm in a calm frame of mind."
"Some of the non verbal cues I use are making sure that my body language and tone reflect a calm state of mind, and also trying to make some emotional point of contact, like holding their hands, sitting close, putting my arm around them, etc."
Here's how the lovely people of the internet reacted to Bennet's solid parenting
Many considered Bennett’s patience and way with kids a thing of wonders, but she herself pointed out that she does experience moments of weakness and snap, but she always comes back and apologizes, this way showing a good example of how to reconcile relationships.
Since the posting of the video, it has gone viral on TikTok, garnering over 4.4 million views with another million hearts. Bennett currently has over 320,000 followers on her channel and has received over 5.3 million likes across her videos.
People online praised the mother for her love-filled approach to parenting. Some were happy that these kinds of parents will raise an emotionally intelligent generation, which will benefit everyone, if you ask me, while others thanked her because these kinds of feels are exactly what they needed that day.
"I wish more parents knew that much of a child's behavior is developmentally normal. It's normal for kids to cry, it's their first form of communication," concluded Bennett. "It's normal for them to be angry or sad or disappointed. And the focus shouldn't be on shushing them or forcing them to conceal their feelings just because it's undesirable to us, but to offer them support and resources on how to convey those feelings in a healthy and respectful way."