Choosing a baby's name is one of the first big decisions new parents make, and they expect others, especially family, to respect that choice. However, not everyone can stay in their lane.
Mumsnet user Bobcomp recently shared a story that struck a nerve with thousands. After a simple christening ceremony for her two-month-old, the woman discovered her deeply religious mother-in-law had gone behind her back. The lady arranged for a local priest to perform a second, "proper" blessing, and planned to use a different name she deemed more suitable for the baby. The fallout was immediate.
A mother-in-law, just like any other relative, can either be supportive or overbearing
Image credits: bearfotos (no the actual image)
But as this woman's experience shows, you need boundaries
Image credits: Ron Lach (not the actual image)
Image credits: Josh Applegate (not the actual image)
Image credits: Bobcomp
Parents (-to-be) face all kinds of outside pressure when selecting a name for their baby
Sherri Suzanne, a baby name consultant at My Name For Life, told HuffPost, "Rather than arguing over namesakes, the greatest conflicts I find come from generational differences in name styles."
Suzanne said that some of the current trends, such as "surname-type names, nature names, unisex names, and 'word' names, don't seem like names at all to many grandparents."
Just like this one, many of the conflicts with grandparents that Suzanne has witnessed in her practice arose unexpectedly.
"In one [family], a grandfather was so saddened by the unexpected loss of his wife that he could not bear for his granddaughter to share her name, which is what the expectant mother wanted," she said.
"In another, two pregnant sisters claimed the name of a beloved relative, and the grandparents sided with one. In another, a daughter-in-law did not want her little boy to be 'IV' in a generation of fathers and sons with the same name."
Suzanne believes that people who run into a conflict with grandparents or other relatives over their baby name should handle it just as they would any other unwelcome advice or overstepping of bounds.
"Grandparents sometimes find it difficult when they realize they have less influence over their adult children's decisions," she said. "Adult children sometimes find it difficult when they realize they have to move forward without the approval of their parents."
Image credits: Kelly Sikkema (not the actual image)
It's usually possible to come up with an idea that everyone's pleased with
The baby name expert thinks that parents shouldn't forgo a particular name they love just to keep the peace with others. She's seen a lot of creative solutions.
If two siblings are fighting over who gets to use a family name, for instance, they might both use the name for their child's middle name. Suzanna said the middle name can provide an opportunity to honor any family name. (In fact, she has noticed an uptick in parents choosing to honor their own grandparents (their child's great-grandparents) with their name choices.)
In some European traditions, Suzanne noted, there is a "pecking order" set up to prevent intrafamily name conflict, such as the first child getting the paternal grandmother or grandfather's name and the second getting the maternal grandmother or grandfather's name.
There are many methods. For instance, a Jewish tradition is to give a child a name that shares a first initial with that of a recently deceased relative, while the Hindus give a baby a name that begins with the same letter as their solar sign, which is determined by the time and date of their birth.
Hopefully, the author of the post and her mother-in-law can settle their differences in one way or another.
Image credits: Alex Bodini (not the actual image)
As the woman's story went viral, she joined the discussion in the comment section
Ultimately, the woman decided to speak to the priest
