As little children, if we can’t really rely on our parents, then whom can we rely on? It’s a big, wide world out there and parents help us figure out how it works, but most importantly, they love us. Surviving without this love can be quite horrid, to be honest.
We can’t even begin to fathom what Reddit user Successful-Tank-851, went through when, at 8 years old, his mom started neglecting him while focusing on her new husband and his kids. After years of estrangement, however, she came back into his life and demanded to be the focus at his wedding—but he said no!
More info: Reddit
Being loved by our parents is a blessing we don't usually acknowledge, although some kids grow up without this love
Image credits: bristekjegor / Freepik (not the actual photo)
When the poster was 8, his parents divorced and his mom focused all her attention on her new husband and his kids, completely ignoring her own son
Image credits: Successful-Tank-851
Image credits: teksomolika / Freepik (not the actual photo)
She also treated the other kids better than she treated him, so he moved out as soon as he turned 18, and slowly, he lost touch with her
Image credits: Successful-Tank-851
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Now, he is about to get married when she comes back into his life with a sudden phone call, acting like they are close and wanting to be at the center of his wedding
Image credits: Successful-Tank-851
He straightaway tells her that he doesn't want her there, but she plays the "family card"; when he doesn't change his mind, the whole family is split
The original poster (OP) was only 8 years old when his parents got a divorce and he lived with his mom, who re-married. Now, this woman got so involved with her new husband, Dave, and his children, that she completely neglected her own son. Her level of negligence was so high that the poster started to feel invisible.
Research suggests that children need attention from their parents to feel connected, to have an emotional bond and anchor in the world, and to feel like they matter. When OP did not get this attention from his mom, it must have affected the way he felt about her and he also would’ve felt isolated.
He laments about how she would prioritize the other kids, attend their sports events, and get them whatever they wanted. However, when it came to our protagonist, she didn’t care to even ask about his life, his friends, or his mental health, for that matter. The poor kid must have been heartbroken to witness this favoritism happening right in front of his eyes.
Research also states that disfavored children can experience bad outcomes like depression, greater aggressiveness, lower self-esteem, and poor academic performance. Growing up, the poster might have felt these things, and to cope with the emotional negligence as well must have been a big challenge.
PsychCentral clearly states that growing up in an emotionally neglectful family, with your feelings ignored or discounted, can have profound effects on how you feel as an adult, the choices you make, and your perception of yourself. It also stays with you for your entire life, hanging over your relationships, and holding them back from developing the depth and resilience you deserve.
Image credits: autorius / agency (not the actual photo)
It’s no wonder that the poster left his house as soon as he turned 18 and started living on his own. He still had hopes that his mom would care enough to stay in touch, but his wishful thinking only remained wishful, because it was always he who texted her. Sometimes, she didn’t even bother to reply or she would say that she was busy with the kids.
Well, you can’t really force a relationship, so the poster eventually stopped contacting her, and she didn’t make an effort either—until, fast-forward to the present. The poster is about to get married when he receives a phone call from her, acting like they are close and expecting to be at the center of his wedding!
He must have been astounded by this and straightaway told her that he did not want her there, which was fair enough. She didn’t take it well, but started crying and even pulled out the “you’re my son” card, saying that she “deserved” to be there.
However, our protagonist was adamant about his decision, until family came in between. Half of them sided with OP, claiming that she never showed up for him so he was right about not wanting her. The other half felt that he should forget it and let her come, as it was “just one day," to keep the peace. Well, with this split, he vented online and sought netizens’ advice.
Folks online expressed their sympathies toward OP and called out his mom for giving him such an awful childhood. They stated that it was his wedding, so he should decide who attends, and it did not matter what the family said. People also opened up about similar instances of terrible parents who had ruined their childhood and told the poster that not inviting them was the best decision they ever made.
Well, looking at all the past childhood trauma, it’s only right that the poster decided not to invite his mom. Don’t you think so? What would you have done if you were in his shoes? Let us know in the comments!
Folks online didn't shy away from calling out his mom, saying that it was his wedding so he should decide whether to invite her or not
