“What Was Your ‘I’m Dating An Idiot’ Moment?” (50 Answers)

To learn more about what it's like to realize your partner may not be the brightest bulb, we reached out to Relationship and Dating Coach Mila Smith. Mila was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and explain how common this is.

"Typically, I work with clients whose past relationships fell apart for one reason or another, and if I’m honest, intellectual level doesn’t come up very often, as it’s usually determined early on," the expert says. "It’s more likely to play a part if people get involved when they are very young and then grow and evolve at a different pace (well, some fail to evolve at all)."

Does it cause problems if two partners aren't exactly on the same intellectual level? "It depends what is important to a particular individual, what they value in a relationship," Mila says. "If an intellectual debate and education is h**h on their list of priorities, it would be hard to overlook an intellectual mismatch."

"However, some people value other forms of intelligence more, such as emotional intelligence – and it’s not necessarily linked to IQ," the dating and relationship coach added. "If you appreciate your partner regardless, you may be able to work around their perceived lack of intelligence tactfully, without making them feel inferior."

So is there anything daters can do to make sure that they don't find themselves with this problem in their relationships? "First and foremost, identify your needs and an ideal partner profile," Mila noted. "Excuse a shopping analogy, but it helps if you have a shopping list and avoid rushing into a supermarket hungry: you’ll end up with a basket full of junk!"

"Should you decide that a potential partner’s intelligence is one of the top desired qualities, stick to your guns, and look out for various cues," the expert recommends. "When you’re on a date, ask open-ended questions to encourage your partner to talk and, given the opportunity, disclose your interests and level of education, so they are more likely to reciprocate and share their story with you."  

Finally, Mila added that we shouldn't lose sight of what's most important in a relationship. "Attraction and chemistry are important, but if you’re looking for a long-term partner, don’t forget about other cornerstones of a happy, healthy relationship: friendship, compatibility, sharing key life values. These features and perspectives are the main predictors of a relationship success and longevity."