Playdates are meant to be fun activities, where children and sometimes also their carers enjoy one another's company and strengthen their friendships.
However, Reddit user Subject_Print_9055 and her daughter have recently gotten themselves into quite a bit of controversy because of theirs.
In a candid post, the woman explained that she had bought matching designer bags for herself and her girl. While they enjoyed the new purchases, other moms thought it was an unnecessary display of wealth.
This sparked heated discussions among the group, with some feeling hurt and left out.
This woman got herself and her daughter matching designer bags because she likes how they looked
Image credits: Kindel Media (not the actual photo)
But their play date group thinks it was actually just to flaunt their wealth
Image credits: Gülşah Aydoğan (not the actual photo)
Image source: Subject_Print_9055
At that age, children can already pick up on a lot of economic signals, and parents should help them understand these cues
Image credits: Thgusstavo Santana (not the actual photo)
Parents often believe they have to shield their children from economic differences and social class. However, research shows that by the time they reach prekindergarten, kids can already spot them.
UCLA Developmental Psychologist Rashmita Mistry, PhD, studies social stratification and said that we think if we don't draw attention to education and occupations and income and wealth, then maybe kids won't think that they're so important. But it's actually the opposite.
Mistry and her colleagues showed five to eight-year-olds four depictions of local neighborhoods and asked them which looked like theirs. Most of the kids chose the middle-class photo, and more than a third were also able to point to concrete reasons, such as the appearance of a house.
The team also asked them if it was fair that some people are rich, and some are poor. Elementary student Paulo Williams said, "Well it's not fair, but not a lot of things are fair."
So parents from the play date group our Redditor belongs to should probably engage with their kids in the conversation, not ignore their observations and try to avoid these important discussions altogether.
In fact, even their language in simple everyday situations can make a difference. For example, instead of saying "a homeless/poor person," they can use phrases like "a person who is homeless" — this reinforces that poverty does not define a person but describes their current circumstances.
"I think our task as adults is to help them make meaning of this," Mistry said.
She is working with teachers to develop a curriculum that helps children understand why there are differences. Mistry believes that engaging with the little ones in conversations about wealth and poverty is a necessary step to reduce stereotypical beliefs and instill civic identity.
As the woman's story gained popularity, some people thought she did nothing wrong
But some sided with other members of the play date group
A fair number of people also that everyone involved could've handled the situation better
