It is no secret that the relationships between stepparents and stepchildren can be quite complicated. After all, it is a huge change for everyone involved, and not everybody can get a vote or be a fan of it.
While conflicts in these situations often result from children rebelling against their old and new parents, as one Redditor shared, the adults can sometimes be just as much, if not more, to blame. One guy who lives with his dad told his mom about his midterm exam results, who, in turn, shared the news with his stepdad. The man wasn’t pleased with it and, despite having no say in it, started ordering punishments for his stepson. Needless to say, this wasn’t received well. Scroll down to read the full story!
More info: Reddit
A relationship between a stepparent and stepchild is rarely simple, and trying to assume the position of authority can only make it more difficult
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
A guy who lives with his dad told his mom about his midterm exam results, which she shared with her husband, who wasn't pleased
Image credits: Tranmautritam (not the actual photo)
The stepdad called the guy's bio dad and told him to take the guy's cat to the pound as a punishment for low grades
Image credits: Xralose
When the guy learned of this, he got furious and told his stepdad what he thought of him before blocking him and the mother, who was trying to defend her husband's actions
The 19-year-old OP lived with his dad but would visit his mom around once a month. One of those visits happened when the guy came over to tell her he got 72% on a midterm exam.
After her son left, the woman shared the news with her husband, who, for some reason, wasn’t pleased with the results. He then decided that his stepson needed to be disciplined by having his cat taken to the pound, so he called his father to tell him to enforce this punishment.
When the OP found out about this, he got livid and told his stepdad that he had no right to interfere with his private life, as they don’t live together and he doesn’t pay for any of his stuff. The man, in turn, ranted about how the guy should be more respectful, only to be called a “nauseating piece of filth.”
The events upset the poster’s mother, and she told her son that he shouldn’t have taken it so far. However, the poster didn’t let up, replying to his mom that she had decided to marry his stepdad and that he shouldn’t have to deal with his nonsense.
The mother kept trying to calm the storm down, trying to rationalize her husband’s actions, but this made the poster even madder, not only at his stepdad but also at his mom, so he blocked both of them.
The commenters didn’t have to think long before making a joint decision that the poster was not the jerk of the story. While some did argue that there might’ve been bits of reason in the stepdad’s wish to see the OP get better grades, everybody agreed that suggesting to get rid of the cat was a massive step too far.
Image credits: Mia X (not the actual photo)
Let’s take a step further back and look at stepparenting as a whole. After all, it can be a great challenge for anyone to decide to take on. As MeidicineNet shared, stepparenting is arguably more difficult than regular parenting because, when you think about it, it is a massive change for everyone involved.
Stepparents often come into their new family expecting a lot, but some of those expectations might be too much because that family also has to adjust. Few things ever happen quickly and naturally, and thus, for affection to occur, time is required. There’s no guarantee that it will happen at all, in which case, it’s okay to settle for mutual respect.
The important thing for the stepparent is to let things run their course and not try to replace the children's biological parent. Being emotionally connected, as well as making the stepchild feel safe, secure, valued, and appreciated, is a good way to build this new relationship. Trying to assume the position of authority and impose rules in ways that they’re probably not accustomed to will only drive them further apart. In other words, before becoming a parent, first try to become a friend.
Image credits: Jeswin Thomas (not the actual photo)
As Matthias Laroche of the Psychvarsity wrote, another important thing to consider is if the stepparent already has children of their own because if you thought that evil stepparents only existed in fairy tales, you’re quite wrong.
There is a phenomenon known as The Cinderella Effect, which is named after a fairy tale character with an abusive stepmother. It states that stepparents, compared to biological parents, are more likely to mistreat or even abuse their stepchildren.
When it comes to biological offspring, people usually have a natural, hard-wired instinct that pushes them to support their children and ensure that they provide the best upbringing they can. However, when it comes to parenting someone else’s children, the only thing that can motivate you to build a good relationship with them is yourself.
If the stepparent already has children, it’s not unlikely that they might prioritize them over their partner’s kids. They want to ensure their own kin get the best possible conditions, even if it means making it worse for someone else. This can also be observed in the animal world, where, for example, lions get rid of their mate’s cubs, as they pose a competitive threat to their own children.
So, while abusing and mistreating children is obviously not something that anyone should do, if you’re a stepparent with children of your own, perhaps you should try to show them that you mean to treat everyone equally, regardless of blood relations.
But in the end, whatever the case, trying to punish your stepchild because they didn’t meet your standards is by no means a way to a great relationship or mutual respect. As the famous Pakistani poet Hussein Nishah once said, “Respect is earned, not given,” and punishment is rarely a way to earn anything.
What did you think about this story? Have you ever dealt with anything similar? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
The commenters supported the poster, saying that the stepdad stepped way over the line, and demanding respect only made it worse
